Passing Away.

from JoeUser Forums

I don't normally like to talk about personal things, but I figure maybe this'll help get stuff off my chest.  Although, I'm not really distraught...I expected this.

My Grandma passed away today.  She had dementia and was living in a nursing home...she could still remember us and everything, but in all reality the person she used to be was already gone after that set in, which was only a few years ago.  My Grandpa passed about a year and a half ago...body just kind of shut down.  That was a couple months before I graduated high school.  One year after my Grandpa, my cousin was killed in a drunk driving incident.  He was drunk and ran off the road, no one else got hurt.  Before my Grandpa went, my Dad had a stroke the day after his birthday.  He still limps and it's a little hard to completely understand him...but it could've been a lot worse.  I'm not really sure why all this had to happen within a 2 year span...but it's been a real bitch. 

Because of this, I haven't really been that cheery about anything.  I'm alright, don't get me wrong...but it's really rather depressing when you look at it.  I really didn't have control over anything, so I just try to leave this all to fate.  However, it does make me question that all powerful benevolent deity I'm supposed to believe in.  When God decides to fuck you, He does so in a most extreme way.  I don't know whether all this is just happenstance or whatever...and I'll move forward, I've been moving forward...but today again I'm reminded of mortality and how people pass before your eyes.

I don't even think I'll make it to the funeral.  Unfortunately I have 2 papers to write and an exam this next week...and I can't really up and leave without it severely affecting my grade.  I suppose I'll make my peace when I get back for Thanksgiving...a funeral is just a motion afterall, you can express your feelings when you see fit.  I did get to see her before I left for school, that's been months ago...but at least it's something.

As I said, I don't like discussing personal matters...and this is one of the few times I've mentioned all this.  *sigh*  I'll be alright.  It hurts a bit, but I never let things bring me all the way down.

~Zoo

1,627 views 13 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm sorry, Zoo -- the last two years have certainly been trying for you. I'm glad you wrote about it, though -- hopefully getting it all out will help a little.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey mate, real sorry to hear this. I'm not going to pray as I'm not the praying kind but you are in my thoughts.
Elemental: Reforged
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Life is cruel sometimes. But then there are things, little maybe, that come to be great.
I'm glad you're not letting it bring you down to the floor, and that you are okay.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm so sorry about your grandmother Zoo and your other passings. I'm glad your dad survived the stroke. It's always tough when things like that happens, we end up questioning ourselves and the diety we believe in. We can't fully comprehend and wonder why it is all happening to us. This my friend is a normal thing to do.

The good thing is that you wrote about it and you are grieving. You should grieve any time you feel like it. When you go back home, do as you plan and visit her grave site. Don't give up on your faith no matter what.

Good luck with your exams!
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top

 

the last two years have certainly been trying for you

Yeah...they've been pretty shitty.

Life is cruel sometimes.

Heh...yeah, but when it's cruel, it's cruel as fuck.

 

 

Thanks guys, I appreciate ya'll taking the time to comment.

~Zoo

Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm truly sorry to hear this Zoo. My thought and prayers are with you.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top

Very sorry for all you've been through in this short span of time Zoo...

It's odd isn't it that death is partof the life cycle...

I think most of it see it happen sooner or later,  off and on,  throughout our lives,  eventually we get to that spot where only our own age group is left...

From my own experience all I can really reccomend is that you love as hard as you can,  take time to know what your relatives ( old people) have gone through in their youth,  who they were,  and overlook a lot of minor stuff as life and relationships progress. 

Hugs

K.

Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
My Prayers are with you during this time.  I am sorry to hear of your losses.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
zoo
I'm very sorry to hear about you loss as well. It's hard to lose loved ones, especially within a span of time.
I don't know what to say except, my thoughts are with you.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top

Oh my.  I'm sorry for your loss, Zoo. 

in all reality the person she used to be was already gone

That's very true.  Dementia is a bitch of a disease; it takes away the personality and leaves behind an empty shell.  In a way it causes 2 deaths: the death of the person who used to inhabit the body and, finally, the death of the body that's left behind. 

I suggest that you try and attend the funeral.  I often tell the families of my patients that funerals aren't for the dead, they're a way for the living to say goodbye.  I think that you'll probably get a greater sense of closure if you can manage to go be with your family and say goodbye to your grandmother.

You've had a rough couple of years, kiddo.  If you ever need someone to vent to, you know where to find me.

Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top

Hey, thanks guys.  I appreciate the thoughts.  I'm feeling better today...I find sleeping is always best.

think that you'll probably get a greater sense of closure if you can manage to go be with your family and say goodbye to your grandmother.

You know, I'd like to...but I really can't up and leave.  If I didn't have all this crap to do, I'd already be home by now.  I've been preparing myself for this for a long time...so it's not really a shock.  Sad, yes...but I knew it was coming.  I'm not really the sort that has to go through the motions to have closure.  I've already accepted the fact...of course it doesn't seem entirely real yet, but it will soon enough.  The important thing is that I always saw her when I could...in fact, I did the day before I went back to school.  If I didn't see her for years than I'd probably have some real closure issues.

Rationalizing things in my head works for me.  If this is fate, then I can accept it.

~Zoo

Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Zoo, I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother's passing. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Glad you are feeling a bit better today.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Zoo, I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother's passing. My thoughts are with you and your family.


Thanks...I'll be alright now. I just needed a couple days.

~Zoo