What I tell you when I can

is much different that what I do

from JoeUser Forums
You are beautiful...I guess that's just how I would start
No no no. That's not right at all.
I dream of you still, I think about you night and day.
No...not right either...it's actually kind of creepy too.
When we were friends, I never knew what I had
I should have let you feel how you made me feel
Every time we touched...accidentally of course
Every time your eyes lingered on mine for just long enough to let us both know
what we were hiding from ourselves
I wish now that I could touch you again...not accidentally
I wish I could look into your eyes longer and longer still
I wish most of all that you would read this and know it is you who I am writting about.
But, you won't.
And I can't tell you what I want to tell you
Not even if you didn't know it already.

Note from the author: Yeah it doesn't rhyme. But have you ever tortured yourself to say the thing you wanted to the most after your chances have passed you by years ago? It's too late to let him know now....what can I expect?
7,026 views 17 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Poems don't have to rhyme...they are fine without rhyming.

The real thing that makes a poem great, is the pure feeling that goes behind it. To make a truly good, great, or fantastic piece of literature you need to put a bit of your heart and soul into it. Whether it be joy, anger, sadness, or regret...as long as it's real and you can put it into words then it should turn out well.

This is pretty damn good. I would eliminate the ellipses (...) though. They really don't fit well into poetry. Think hyphens, parentheses, or perhaps commas if appropriate.

~Zoo
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
ok. no ellipses. got it. I think we are on at the same time right now. COOL! anywho, I have to leave for my last class in like 5 minutes. Thanks for everything!
S.C.
Ashes of the Singularity II
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Not even if you didn't know it already.


One more thing. I would consider revising this line a bit...it's a little awkward.

~Zoo
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
YOUR AWKWARD!!!! jk thanks!
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thanks for everything!


thanks!


Eh, no problem. It gives me a reason to procrastinate.

~Zoo
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
This is an emotion that I'm entirely too close with. I hate it, and it seems to happen to me far too often.

I totally feel for ya, friend.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
"I wish most of all that you would read this and know it is you who I am writting about.
But, you won't."

I am sure he knows
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
I am sure he knows


Does he, Bryan?
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
I say you need to find out


NS83, you are officially IMPOSSABLE.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Does he, Bryan?


...hey...Jeffers?

Damnit...something's up and I have no clue what the hell's going on...

~Zoo
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Damnit...something's up and I have no clue what the hell's going on...


Aww...Zoo feels left out! *imagine me laughing hysterically and you'll never know why*
One day Zoo...one day.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
One day Zoo...one day.


Shaun would very much like to know what the hell is up. Irritating to be confused, that it is.

~Zoo
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
NS83, you are officially IMPOSSABLE.


Oh I see you cant even use my name, I will be home this weekend do you have any time off? If you do I say we go do something.


Shaun would very much like to know what the hell is up. Irritating to be confused, that it is.


ha ha ha oh boy ummm, I shall tell you later
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
NS83, you are officially IMPOSSABLE.


Oh I see you cant even use my name, I will be home this weekend do you have any time off? If you do I say we go do something.


Shaun would very much like to know what the hell is up. Irritating to be confused, that it is.


ha ha ha oh boy ummm, I shall tell you later
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
ha ha ha oh boy ummm, I shall tell you later


*sigh*   

~Zoo
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
alright. i'm about half a month behind but now I'm confused. how does second chances know me. i feel so oblivious right now...