Can we talk?

from JoeUser Forums
Someone asked me "How are you?" and I looked and wanted to retort, "Do you really want to know?" "Do you really care or is that just a rhetorical question just to be polite?" "Do you have five hours to listen to me vent?"

Hahahahahaa.....aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!


You know what? Don't ask that question unless you really want to know how someone is. Isn't that being fair? Because if you really wanted to know how someone was doing, you would stop and listen, not be half way down the road while asking the question! Am I right or am I right? You don't have to answer that....really.


I need to vent and I wasn't sure whether to write or to even make this blog available to anyone but me but I need to talk and no one is around right now and I hate bothering my girlfriend who is still on vacation, well, two of them are in different places on vacation, and the other one who lives overseas, is not available! I need a friend! Now!


So my daughter, the 18 year old announced that she's planning to move out and move in with the boyfriend. Need I continue? No amount of reasoning and showing her the pros and cons is convincing her not to do this, that it may be something she might regret a few months down the road. We're telling her to wait for six months and then if she still feels the same way, then we won't stop her. She just started a new job, in fact, they both work for the same company in different divisions, yeah, how convenient! She's supposed to start college. She has no idea what that is going to be like, her study load, she has not gone through the probation period for this new job, etc. We said, give yourself time to see how things will go. No listening!

His mom is kicking him out and I said to him when he came to pick her up this morning, "so your crisis is becoming my daughter's crisis?" This is not fair to either of you and it's definitely not fair to her!

But you know what, I'm tried of stressing. I'm crying for her lost youth, for her goals that might not come to fruition. For what I know as a woman, and I told her so might get lost just because you end up in situations that you did not plan for. You don't plan for mistakes to happen, they sometimes do and you have to roll with the punches and continue on with your life. What the fuck do I know eh? I'm still a prickly mess at my age at any rate, so who am I to talk eh?! [the last part I said to me]

But I can't live her life for her. I told her to think over what I said, and if she still feels the same way, then who are we to stand in her way. Do you know how disappointing this is for us as parents? Very disappointing that she has chosen to do things this way. Did we make your life so unhappy. No she said, she just wants to be on her own. She is tired of living with the rules. What rules? Oh, the rules are to be in at a decent hour so that we don't worry about you. Letting us know where you are going and keeping your room and the bathroom you use clean. Oh wow! we are such tyrants! So I told her no rules, just so that she doesn't go and make a mistake she's going to regret, she can live here with no rules, come and go as you please.

Now that I've think it over, what the fuck am I thinking? I'm the parent, if she doesn't like my rules, then get the fuck out. Go out there and see what the real world is like. I can't protect you for the rest of your life, so go ahead. So I'm gonna tell her when she comes home to go ahead, move, do whatever you want. I have already told her that I will be here for her if she needs me, despite what I think and how I feel about it, I'll always be here for her. But it's her life isn't it? So let it be!

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Deep breaths.........

So the other day I wrote an article and I mentioned not thinking about something will keep it at bay....my hubby got not so good news the other day. Not about his smoking although I am worried about that too...the dam man is just so selfish and refuses to stop smoking.....I've told him so a gazillion times so I am not talking behind his back! Anyway, he wasn't feeling too well, his back and neck was bothering him, and after months of cajoling I convinced him to go see a chiropractor. They did an xray, he has a floating bone in the area of his neck/throat/chest and is fusing to the bones in that area. One side has already joined together and the next part will happen eventually. The doctor doesn't know who can do a surgery like that to repair it, or even think that an operation should be done because it might be detrimental to my husband's life. The prognosis is within two or three years, when the other side fuses he wont' be able to move from the neck down.

Yeah, that's the news I've been walking around with for a couple of weeks now, keeping it at bay giving it the big X to keep it away! We're going to get a second opinion and until then I can only hope that he'll be alright. Life sucks!

It could be worse, at least it isn't cancer!

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


So I continue on with my optimistic nature but with bouts of doubts and minor depression thrown in. Life goes on yeah? It does. Cause I cannot sit and worry and I refuse to get stressed or I am going to keel over. I have two younger children to think about and life as to be as normal for them as possible. I pray and I hope for the best.

I know, letting it on you is really bad uh? I'm sorry. Should I tell you that my company is in jeopardy at the moment? Yeah, budget cutbacks that might mean cutting staff too! Oh yeah, rain on me why dont' ya?!

Awww life as I know it.....there are days when you want to bury your head in the sand and hide and hope no one sees you and there are days when you wish you could strip and run naked through the streets screaming at the top of your lungs! Hahaha...I can just picture me doing that....what a sight!

Well I better get up and go clean from top to bottom while I have the place to myself. Cook, clean, wash and exercise. My five year old went to Sunday School with her friends, my 12 year old is sleeping, he stays up late basking in the last moments of his summer vacation, hubby is off playing TT with his friends....and mom is here trying to hang on to some sanity.....oh if my daughter only knew, she would run as far away from commitment as possible...not so quickly, and not so young. Times like these I miss my mommy. I know, I know, it doesn't have to be that way for her, she seems to think so and more power to her! I know all that, I'm just ranting.

I know I'm going off at a tangent, bear with me...my ranting is over and I'm letting out air like a busted baloon. I'm letting go and letting God, cause he knows more than I do obviously and I cannot try to be in control anymore, that will be the death of me.

Deep breaths......
1,403 views 14 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Oh Donna, it sounds like everything in your life is crazy at the moment. ((((HUGS)))) I really don't have any words of wisdom to offer but hang in there and if it helps, keep venting. I think you need to take some time to take care of you. A little pampering may help you keep your sanity. A pedicure, a matinee, just any kind of little escape from the craziness of your life. I hope things get better. I know you are a good wife and a good mom and a good person. I don't know if I still have your email but you can email me and I'll give you my number if you want to really vent. My email is hubb amy at hot mail dot com
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
((((HUGS)))) I really don't have any words of wisdom to offer but hang in there and if it helps, keep venting.


Thx Amy. I'll take you up on that email later. Yes, a time out for me time is in order! I had four days of it when my girlfriend was here recently and that was fun!! Just shows how much I miss the physical presence of friends being closer.
Star Control: Origins
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Seems things are tough at the moment. Nice rant....don't apologize. This is the PERFECT place to empty out your internal trash bag.

You call yourself "foreverserenity." Go back to why you chose that name and remember that to have serenity, you have to stay in the now. As I see it (not that you asked or may even care what I think) you are a victim of a future that you're using all your energy to conjure up. You look into the past and see, perhaps, mistakes you have made, then you look at your daughter and project your past into her future, and you know, you may be right, but you've forgotten one very important thing about serenity. If you have one foot in the past, and one foot in the future, you're pissing on now. There's nothing serene about that.

Best wishes - I hope it all works out ok.

Edit: Totally a random find while browsing through JU with less better to do, and what do I see?

The memory of the letter I wrote to my mom when I was 16 and wanted my own way. It hurt her very badly what I said to her in that letter. Although we talked about it years later and she forgave me, that's one thing I would like to forget.


I am NOT throwing your words at you, FS....but this is a useful tool to discover why you're stressing. That's how I offer it, and I hope you accept it as such.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
You call yourself "foreverserenity." Go back to why you chose that name and remember that to have serenity, you have to stay in the now.


A nice reminder, thank you!


you are a victim of a future that you're using all your energy to conjure up. You look into the past and see, perhaps, mistakes you have made, then you look at your daughter and project your past into her future, and you know, you may be right, but you've forgotten one very important thing about serenity. If you have one foot in the past, and one foot in the future, you're pissing on now. There's nothing serene about that.


True, I'm putting it into action by predicting the outcome and that's not what I want. That's why I'm letting go so that I don't project what I think will happen out there in the Universe, all the negative vibes because things are not going the way I think they should. I actually just told my hubby that when he walked in a minute ago. We're going to let go and let whatever is to happen, happen. I'm looking at it like this, this guy was placed in her life right now for a purpose. I don't see that purpose, my hubby doesn't, her relatives don't...but God does and I'm going to take the hands off and let him steer the car in the direction it should go. God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change...thx for the reminder! Your thoughts and opinion is much appreciated because it allows me to see things through another 'eye' so to speak.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
The memory of the letter I wrote to my mom when I was 16 and wanted my own way. It hurt her very badly what I said to her in that letter. Although we talked about it years later and she forgave me, that's one thing I would like to forget.I am NOT throwing your words at you, FS....but this is a useful tool to discover why you're stressing. That's how I offer it, and I hope you accept it as such.


! I'm laughing...in self-deprecation...yes, I remember and that's why I wouldn't want her to be as regretful as that. The hurt is still painful to remember and the regret is still there. You see, that was a time in my life, much like hers now, when I wanted my own way and my mom wouldn't let me have it. And I lashed out at her in writing and I made her cry and I'll never forget that, to this day how she felt, how I felt seeing her cry..it was painful. Kids think they know everything, they don't. But as I said, I will let her live her life the way she wants, I won't stand in her way.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Feel free to scream. That's what I use this place for. (((HUGS))) Sometimes, looking at the stuff that bothers you in the eye and calling the monsters out helps.

Teenagers always have to test the boundaries not matter how big the land you give them I guess. Sounds like a lot of what you worry hasn't happened yet and are just "what-ifs", the only thing is she seems to have made up her mind. Girl has got to live her life sooner or later, but now she still got you. If you two had been close before, I'm sure your words have reached her, she just wants what she wants. She'll come to realise one day that you are worried much because you love her.

I'd second Whip's suggestion for second opinion for your husband's case. Some docs always have something dire to say and just give the worse case scenarios. I've never heard that smoking can cause bones to fuse though...
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey Donna..

I dont write much on here anymore.. but I check in from time to time to see how the beautiful souls on here are going..

Big HUGS to you from me.. dunno what more I can say that hasnt been said by the others,, but you always have people who care for you to listen

x
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

aah sweet Donna, what is life without some serious downs? How would we know true joy if not for being hit in the head by life's ills?

 

Things will get better my dear because truly one such as you always comes shining through when the light seems dimmest.

kisses, hugs and one tiny face lick just to make you go ewwwwwwwwww at the proper moment.

 

always, elie

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey lady....(((((((((donna)))))))))))


Hey you...thx!


Now that I've got that out of the way, don't stress on your daughter, like Ock pointed out, your mistakes don't necessarily have to be her mistakes. Things might work out just fine for her and her b/f, but even if they don't, she needs to know you've got her back, right? Leave the door open, mom, even if she closes it on her way out.


I will. I know. Yes, always open. We're so afraid for her but we have to let it be.


Please do make sure hubby gets a second opinion, or even a third.


I will. He's going to see his primary doctor and we'll have xrays done again, hopefully even an MRI or something.


I had one tell my first husband he was treating his undiagnosed kidney stones by shining various colored lights in his freakin' ears, I shit you not. He had been seeing him for a work-related back injury, and 'discovered' these stones, which had been 'knocked loose' in the accident. Extra charge for the 'light therapy?' $200 per treatment.


Ye Gads! Ouch! My hubby has seen him three times already but I"ve stopped the other sessions for now. He wants to see him a few more times because it will help. Nope, to the physician we go. An orthopedic is a good suggestion.


Hang in there, chikka. God will put you where he wants you to be, you know that.I'll pray to all of them on your behalf.(smooche)


Thank you Sabrina, I appreciate that - more than you know!


Feel free to scream. That's what I use this place for. (((HUGS))) Sometimes, looking at the stuff that bothers you in the eye and calling the monsters out helps.


And how! Yes, thanks to you too!


If you two had been close before, I'm sure your words have reached her, she just wants what she wants. She'll come to realise one day that you are worried much because you love her.


We were and are still somewhat. She seeks me out to talk and I always have my door open and she knows that. The good thing is that she does still reach out in her own way.


I've never heard that smoking can cause bones to fuse though...


When we lived in NY, many years ago, he drove a cab, there was a bad accident, he didn't pursue it, doctors, anything, he was new here, we were much younger, but he hit the windshield and didn't feel anything. That bone was jarred loose from where I can't remember what the chiropractor said, but I guess it happened then, I think, who knows! The car came at him from the opposite side of the road, it was a drunk driver. All I remember from that time is that he could have been dead and was lucky to walk away. I remember waking up in sweat praying for him, praying and crying then he came home and told me that....shocking!


Big HUGS to you from me.. dunno what more I can say that hasnt been said by the others,, but you always have people who care for you to listen


Ahh Phoenix! So good to see you! Thank you so much! I hope things are going well for you!



aah sweet Donna, what is life without some serious downs? How would we know true joy if not for being hit in the head by life's ills?


Oh yes Elie. Sometimes we get bitten in the ass and wonder why. I know longer ask why but rather look for the what lesson can I learn from this and that's the truth. Once I've awaken from my self-pity that is!!


Things will get better my dear because truly one such as you always comes shining through when the light seems dimmest


Thx hon!


kisses, hugs and one tiny face lick just to make you go ewwwwwwwwww at the proper moment.


Ewwwwww! !
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Awww, Donna, so sorry to hear that you are stressing. I really hope that you and your hubby find a really good doctor to help him out.

As for your daughter, she may not understand the seriousness of what she is doing now, but she will eventually, and she will then realize what you were trying to do for her.


Also, I agree with the others...take some time to take care of yourself.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Awww, Donna, so sorry to hear that you are stressing. I really hope that you and your hubby find a really good doctor to help him out.


Thx for the thoughts Rose. Yes we plan on doing that. In fact I'm going to make the appointment tomorrow.


As for your daughter, she may not understand the seriousness of what she is doing now, but she will eventually, and she will then realize what you were trying to do for her.


Yes, hopefully she will. She's being a stubborn mule. So am I, I guess.


Also, I agree with the others...take some time to take care of yourself.


Thx..this is true. I really do have to. My girlfriend tells me to tell them I'm going to the store and just head straight for NY! !
My temples hurt which means I'm stressing again...even though I said I wouldn't, it's inherrent I guess...she's not home yet and it's midnight...yes, letting her go is going to be good for me but I'll still worry about her....oh the joys of motherhood! I'm going to go destress..
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
LW's Chill-Out Potion Extraordinaire1 8 oz can crushed pineapple (emptied into a plastic container and frozen--juice and all)1 Cup orange juice, also frozen8 oz Vanilla flavored Vodka, freezer chilled---------------------------------------------------------Throw all of the above into blender, if too thick, add a little liquid OJ and puree until it's the consistency of a slushy.Pour into fancy glass.


Yum! I just printed this! It sounds so good!



And now for something completely different!


Hahaha .....Bunnycake? I have no clue?!
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Serenity,

I don't have much to offer in the way of advice, given some of the good stuff you've already been offered. But I just wanted to drop by and say I'm thinking of you and your family and wishing the very best for you all.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
But I just wanted to drop by and say I'm thinking of you and your family and wishing the very best for you all.


Thx Mark! I appreciate that!