Yet more proof on kids and sexual activity from Dear Abby

Some of these Dear Abby Qs are people just pulling our collective leg. I wouldn't take DA as proof of any sort of trend in the US.

Just a thought.

I used to look at TV like Maury Povich and shake my head saying "no way...."

Unfortunately I've learned all too well that there's more than a small grain of truth in the crap that fills daytime TV.  Crap like girls that are bringing in the 14th possible daddy to have them tested to see if he is the baby's daddy.

Crap like young girls that treat their mothers like dirt, and talk about their sexual activities like they are keeping score against the rest of the world.

Crap like that.

Some of these Dear Abby Qs are people just pulling our collective leg. I wouldn't take DA as proof of any sort of trend in the US. Just a thought.

Is that how I'm supposed to approach my next door neighbor and her slutty little daughter that had tramp written on her from the day she started developing?  The daughter that wound up pregnant, miscarried, and then pregnant again after getting that do-over?

Is that how I'm supposed to approach the girls I grew up with in high school, including my own cousin?  Or her mother before her?

Is that how I'm supposed to approach the kids in my daughters class that are walking around with buns in the oven when they are so obviously still children themselves?  (Keep in mind please my daughter is still in middle school, not even in high school yet).

Or the young girl that my wife was helping to provide home teaching assistance to when she was too pregnant to be in school (who was also about all of 14 years old).

Not that you aren't raising a possible point TW, but theres way more than just Dear Abby to learn from here.

I understand what you're saying, but I don't really think DA is a good source for your outrage.

And why single out girls?

Is there something more personal here that you're not sharing?

excellent points!

i have those neighbors too that you referred to terp...the oldest tramp is 16 with a 6 month old (had her @ 15) and her lil sister is followin in her footsteps @ 13. and where do her parents spend most of their time? hauling the kids to a fundamentalist church for the last decade (that they thave lived here) and trying to isolate them from everything.

the girls got nothing but ignorance and shielding for an education.

it seems to me that the parents that preach about them knowing all about their kids and that do everything they can to islolate them from the real world end up like this way too often. fact is, every generation of kids learns to run circles around their parents and the best the parents can do is make sure their kids are properly prepared for the very real choices they will need to make. and making it clear to a child that "sex is evil" and providing no pragmatic info for them to protect themselves won't necessarily end up with the kid pregnant or getting another pregnant, but it will ensure that the child will never be honest with the parent if they make different choices.

and like with any relationship, when trust is broken and honesty no longer is the rule, the relationship is over.

and as a sidenote...you do know that most of those "daddy seekers" are just lookin for a monthly paycheck, right? notice, they usually start with guys who have something in life,,,then move down the food chain. maury just exploits that desire.

There are too many young girls who are not informed properly. Sometimes it is because the parents are too naieve in their thinking that their baby is not ready for that yet. It's a sad wake up call. As parents we have to be aware of what is going on with our children. While we can't always stay on top of everything, as long as there is dialogue, it will be better all around. There can't be dialogue if the child doesn't want to talk of course. And then again, much depends on how open and communicative the parents are.

I've overheard conversations with my son and his friends that made me do an about take. They are so way ahead and they talk about things amongst each other. I have to make sure my son knows certain things so that he can make his own decisions. It's scary but it's reality. They are not babies anymore and once peers and other outside factors come into the picture, there's a lot of keeping aware to do!

have those neighbors too that you referred to terp...the oldest tramp is 16 with a 6 month old (had her @ 15) and her lil sister is followin in her

HEY! I take exception to this tramp business. So they make a mistake, so they are girls, why the heck are they tramps? What about the jerk wad guys who got them pregnant? Are they tramps too? Please change the terminology!

I'll try to answer here TW style (not trying to pick on TW, actually admire her ability to reply to so many things in one reply, not something I'm normally good at....)

First, I would jokingly revisit this material:

Some of these Dear Abby Qs are people just pulling our collective leg. I wouldn't take DA as proof of any sort of trend in the US.

Me thinks you must be mistaking Dear Abby with Penthouse Letters

Next, in no particular order was this:

HEY! I take exception to this tramp business. So they make a mistake, so they are girls, why the heck are they tramps? What about the jerk wad guys who got them pregnant? Are they tramps too? Please change the terminology!

Do you really know my neighbor?  If not, then I can see why you think tramp doesn't apply, but for that child it most certainly did (heck, for that child it would be considered an honor to carry that label, which is just pathetic and disgusting...)

On the other hand, I don't mean to paint with a broad brush, and most certainly don't mean that it's just girls (as asked by TW in the following quote):

And why single out girls?

Please don't read this as me singling out girls.  Don't read it that way at all.  The "who" that I'm really trying to single out is the negligent parents, and ignorant parents (and heck, even a lot that aren't) that don't realize the activities that their children are participating in.

I realize there's a bit of a double standard because little Johnny doesn't come home pregnant when he does his part of things.  On the other hand, that doesn't excuse little Johnny and his parents from his responsibility to step up become a man in the real world sense after he plants his seed with another human being.

What I'm (borrowing TW's word again) outraged about is that this stuff is going on out there with health issues of all sorts in the balance.  Some that can be prevented (through the HPV vaccine as an example), and some that can't (at this time).  What I'm outraged about is parents that are so wrapped up in parental rights that they can't acknowledge that perhaps their child is the weak link in what could be a pretty tight knit fence of protection against some things.  Parents that are too worried that having the state do the right thing is an over-reach of authority.

I'm outraged at the parents for not doing their jobs, and I'm outraged at the kids for not realizing how serious the consequences of their actions can be.  The kids ignore the billboards that show statistics such as just how much it costs to raise a child until they've reached 21 years of age.  I guess it's because when you are having a child at 13, 14 or 15 years old you must be assuming that the child will do the same and be out of your own life by that point.  (Hmmph, saves a few hundred grand in real world dollars I guess.)

And finally, in answer to:

Is there something more personal here that you're not sharing?

Only what I've already provided really.

#1 I have a son that is most certainly of age.  In his case his decisions on his sexuality to this point would lead me to believe that getting a female pregnant won't be a problem.  Of course that doesn't mean he won't be facing other problems that could be just as serious, if not far more so.

#2 I have a daughter that I have to watch like a hawk.  Not that she's sneaky, not that she's not trust worthy, and not that she's not daddy's good little girl.  She is.  But I want her to stay that way.  As she sees people around her I hope she realizes the bad decisions those people made, and the good ones she has made along the way.

But I also hope for both of these children of mine that they are not left facing consequences because the partners they eventually have weren't better protected, better informed and educated and weren't the unlucky ones in the wheel of fortune game of life that could wind up tagging someone with HPV, AIDS, herpes, or a host of other problems that may not be caught until it's too late and another innocent person is a victim.

Boy, you sure know how to stir up a hornet's nest. Equating OK with Texas is going to get you 25million flames from the lone star state!   

this gal didn't make a mistake...she was braggin bout her blowjob skills (and offered me one if i'd get her some pot) at age 12. i don't throw around the terminology lightly. i know girls and guys who have screwed up once...she isn't one of them.




the ronald reagan approach to parenting, eh? "trust but verify."

personally, i think every parent should feel no guilt in checking up on their children. both boys and girls. it's not a matter of trust there, it's a matter of responsibility. a kid doing things they shouldn't can influence other children as well and have effects that go beyond the relationship of parent / child. a pregnant teen is only 1 example. then there's drugs, then there's a gun hidden in their room. then there is suicidal writings, etc, etc...

Insightful for all that, Sabrina.

What you're really outraged about is Gideon's relief that he won't be forced by the state to have his daughters vaccinated against HPV. You're outraged because he's blacklisted you, in fact, seven out of your last ten threads have been directly related to this topic and your subsequent blacklisting. At least be honest about it.

I'm not at all being dishonest about it.  As I've said, the discussion would be taking place *in a reasonable manner* in Gid's articles if that was possible.  That became impossible when Gid took his toys and went home.

And for the record, I full well support the idea that Gid has every right to see that his children don't get vaccinated if he chooses.  That wasn't my point in the discussion in Gid's original article.  Gid had a very valid point that the way that Perry tried to go about things was wrong.  My point in return was that Perry was trying to do the right thing.  Trying to show leadership.  Trying to tackle a health issue head on at an early enough age to be effective.

Gid took great umbrage to Perry's approach, apparently to the point of being blinded to the possible good that is there to come of a mandatory vaccination policy.

I took the discussion to another level in questioning whether Gid would be against a mandatory vaccination program against AIDS if one were possible.  That started what looked to me, in a reasonable reading of Gids words, to be conveying a message of homophobia or gay bashing.   I don't believe Gid is a homophobe, nor that he would intentionally be bashing gays, but his words took that tone even though he claims he took great pains not to have that message show through.

Fact of the matter, I had said my piece (for the most part) and was done with the discussion until Gid slapped me upside the head with an article that most definitely implied AIDS isn't an epidemic, and that it is primarily a disease that attacks people that deserve it (whether gay or not).  Those words were a slap in the face in the old style of a challenge to a duel.

Here's an idea, terp. Wrap your 'good little girl' in a burqua, paint the windows black, and lock her up until you can marry her off.

Were it that simple.  I've considered chastity belts but they might rust when she showers up regularly. 

That's the only way you're gonna be able to keep her safe from horny boys who lie, manipulate, cajole, pressure, pledge their love, and move mountains for a bit of pussy.

Understand your point completely and you are right.  Please note again I don't for a minute excuse the behavior and action of the boys that are out there participating in these activities.

Let me state it here: BOYS ARE EVIL.  Please read that again little girls.  BOYS ARE EVIL.  They only want one thing and even when they say and do everything else to convince you otherwise, the still only want one thing.  Assume that to be the case and you'll probably do well or at least have a headstart in defending yourself against them.

To blame all (or even most) teen pregnancies on lack of proper parental protection or instruction is just ignorant on your part. Kids that age think they're invulnerable, and all the horror stories in the world won't change that. They see the consequences of poor choices every single day, yet they're firmly convinced it won't happen to them.

Excellent point and very true.  As you've said, children think it can't or won't happen to them.  They think they're invulnerable and they can't make mistakes or that when they do make it a mistake they can erase it easily and move on.  Some mistakes don't easily erase though.

I'm not ignorant on the issues here and I know there's only so far parents can go, and only so far that children will let themselves be brought to.  Some will never see it, and never acknowledge what they know to be true.  Short of that chastity belt, there is not much that can be done to fix the problem is there?

Doesn't mean we should not try though, and as I've tried to argue about the Gardasil vaccine, doesn't mean that we shouldn't be doing everything possible to help make sure that the mistakes that our children make don't cost them dearly later in life.

I've mean to speak up in the the most recent thread I had posted about the vaccine (where it was mentioned that perhaps *boys* should also be getting the vaccination, which by the way I would likely encourage and support) that I don't in any way think we should have children get this vaccine and have them walk away thinking that it is giving them a free pass to go have sex.  Not the case at all.  Just because you've protected yourself against the measles or polio doesn't mean you need to go and test out just how effective that vaccine was.

The best answer is not to take the chance (not to have sex) to begin with.  Convincing children of that point is not an easy task at all though, and one we may never be able to successfully complete.

By the way, I'm not ignoring the other comments by LW here.  I appreciate those thoughts and experiences too and the issues that were raised there in.  Thanks for sharing the words here.

Let me state it here: BOYS ARE EVIL. Please read that again little girls. BOYS ARE EVIL.

No, Boys are stupid.  Girls (and these are the teen years for both genders) are Bitches.  Stupid does bad things, but by itself it is not evil.

And dont stop trying Terp.  Mine are now 24 and 19, so my worries on them (well yes I still do) are pretty much over.  But 10 years ago, I did not have any gray hair.  Today, it is hard to find one that is not gray.

It was easy for Dr. Spock to talk like a fool.  Reality is those parents doing the raising, and throwing the books in the fireplace.