Pissed Off Military Spouse

I turned the TV because I planned to watch The Holiday on DVD. A breaking news report was being run on FOX...a presidential speech.

I just want people to know that the president, and the Army commanders, and the political pundits, and congress DO NOT SPEAK FOR ME.

When they tell you what makes it "easier on our troops and their families" and when they tell you what "we owe to our troops and their families"...it is SPIN.

When they announced the across-the-board deployment extensions, they had been holding on to it and it leaked and got put on the news. The families found out from THE NEWS. My Soldier didn't know about it until he called me that night. And after that they didn't announce it officially to the troops that day, either.

The contention was that the new deployment extensions will make things more predictable for the families. I call bullshit. All it means is that the deployments will now be a MINIMUM of 15 months. They can still be LONGER!! Standard is 15 months.

When my husband joined, deployments were six months. The recruiter told us deployments would NEVER be longer than six months because the Army felt that was as long a separation as the Army felt was proper to ask of military families. Yeah, I know, stupid, don't believe the recruiter. But standard deployment used to be six months.

Then it was 12. Now it's 15. Watch carefully. It will soon be 18 months.

One of the lame excuses for the extension was the fact that some units were going to have to stay 18 months otherwise. Guess what people? 18 month deployments ALREADY HAPPEN. Ask the families in Alaska. But now all of the sudden making everyone suffer is a kindness.

This is supposed to make things more predictable. Bullshit. There is still no predictability. All we know is definitely 15 months, might be longer.

And then it was spun to make it seem like it would give Soldiers more time at home between deployments. Guaranteed 12 months. Well, they can't guarantee that. Maybe for units, but not for individuals. We are set to PCS when my husband returns from Iraq. He has 90 days here and then we move and if his new unit is deploying, he GOES AGAIN. That's 15 months gone, and 3 months home, then 15 more months gone.

He might as well not be a human being. He's just a government owned robot with no life and no family.

The deployment extensions are NOT a good thing for military families. They may be a good thing for the Army, but don't buy the bullshit that this is a courtesy and a kindness to us. It's not. It's a slap in the face.

And the thousand extra dollars a month? Woohoo. It's really only $800 more, and it doesn't start until a Soldier has been deployed for a full year. So, for $2400 my husband gets to miss those last few months before his only daughter begins walking and talking and is no longer a little baby. Ask him which he'd rather have: $800 or a month with the baby girl he tearfully left when she was 5 days old.

Then today Bush tells me what is owed to me. That his agenda is owed to me. That his agenda is what is good for me. That it's what I want.

He does not speak for me. He does not understand AT ALL what the Soldiers and their families are going through. He doesn't understand.

Don't buy the spin, people. Understand this: military families are getting SCREWED.
4,984 views 25 replies
Reply #1 Top
I'm not going to speak to the issue. I don't think that it would be constructive or that it will help you.

I will let you know that you can vent on here, and I will read it. You can vent in private email to me, and I will read it. You can vent on MySpace, and I will read it.

I love you guys and will help you if I can.
Reply #3 Top
pseudosoldier: Thank you. I really appreciate that. Sincerely.

LW: I get so frustrated with it. I have found that I spend so much time feeling bitter and angry about it. It's not good for me.

Shades: Thank you.
Reply #5 Top
SHE: Thanks.

LW: It's very unlikely that he'll stay in.

He has mentioned staying home with the kids and letting me work, so that's a possibility. There are a myriad of things he can do as it stands, and with a little more education a lot more options open up.

I would love to have another baby. I think four kids would be perfect. But I don't want to do it all by myself. I want to have a family.

This sucks for me, and it's really unfair to the kids.

Yes, he signed up for it, but that doesn't make it suck any less. I just don't want anyone to be duped into thinking that all these changes are for the benefit of Army families. They are not.

Reply #6 Top
(without going insane, that is.)

You make it sound like insanity is a bad thing…when there are all types…

There’s the talking to yourself, the talking to the invisible person, Giving them their own room, which they trash, so you get them an apartment, but then they don’t keep up with their half of the rent, and once the landlord saw the blood on the floor, well, there went the security deposit, and is he happy? Nooooo….. he has to bring in another voice in my head, now I can't sleep because of all the plotting they do against my enemies...

Um…

Never mind….

Really sucks, Tex.

IG

Reply #7 Top
Brandie,

I don't know what else to say except I feel for you and yours. You need your man home NOW.
Reply #8 Top

When we deployed to Desert Shield we didn't have any rotations or timetables.  We were told we would be gone "as long as it takes.  Some of us just said "until after the war", but then again, we didn't even know if there would be a war or not. 

A lot of troops complained that they didn't give us some idea how long we'd be deployed.  Looking back, I think I preferred that to the times we were told, since we never seemed to be back home when they said we would be anyway.  Most of us just got to the point that we didn't get excited about going home until we were on the plane.

It's sad that things haven't changed much that way... for the deployed soldier or their families.

 

Keep letting it out though Brandie, venting doesn't change anything, but it sure helps you get it out.

 

Love you!

 

Reply #9 Top
Thanks, IG.

Maso: Thank you. I wouldn't cry if they sent him home today.

Parated: Curious, how long/how many times did you deploy during Desert Shield? I was old enough to pay attention to things like that at the time, but I don't think I knew anyone in the military.

I am very frustrated with the way we are being pushed and pulled in different directions with all this. It seems like no one will be straight with us.

And I understand completely about not believing it until your boots are under the coffee table. That's how we feel.

Glad to see you around. Thanks for the encouragement.


Reply #10 Top
I'm sorry too. I thought of you and others when I heard as well. It's awful and I wish that things could be different, as I know you do too. It's not a matter of whether or not you families or your men or we, the American people don't love our country. It's a matter that the families need their fathers and husbands and sons, etc., and it's time they come home.

I know I'm not first on your list of people, but know that I'm here for you too. Venting is good, keep on letting it out!
Reply #11 Top
I wouldn't cry if they sent him home today


Oh yes you would... You'd be crying tears of joy. But I get your drift...
Reply #12 Top
I feel for you guys, Tex. It's not easy watching families go through this. But look at it this way:

1) You're not in the Alaska group that has the longer deployments even.

2) You're not in the Alaska group that's going through this in ALASKA!

Stay well!

PS. We may head out to the circus next week. If we do I'll try to make sure Joshua wears that onesie so we can get a pic of him in it for you
Reply #13 Top
(((((Brandie)))))

There's nothing else I can do.
Reply #14 Top
FS: Thank you. I am not the only one facing this, not by a long shot. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier, though.

And you are high up on my list of people!

Maso: No doubt. Before we found out about the extension I was starting to get really excited because it felt like the clock was really ticking down. And Izzy would still be a relatively young baby when he got home.

Three months may not seem like a lot, but they are when you're apart for so long, and they ESPECIALLY are in the life of an infant. A baby changes dramatically from month to month. See:



Gid: Thanks. You're right about me being glad I don't live in Alaska!

Although, the 18 month deal is not standard for them. That was a one time thing (and was incredibly cruel...some of those guys had already come home or were boarding the plane to go home and were made to stay or come back) and we still may be looking at 18 months.

Have fun at the circus, and I would *love* to see a pic of the little guy in his onesie!

San Chorizo (haha): Thank you. I appreciate that. The support and kindness you guys show me is actually a great help to me.
Reply #15 Top
I would think anyone with half a brain could see that this isn't some big favour that government is doing for military families. The problem is it is people with half a brain (or less) that came up with the idea in the first place.
Reply #16 Top
I'm with you. It would be more honest to say that they need to keep the numbers high over there to meet their objectives but don't act like they're making these decisions in "fairness" to the families.

I know when my hubby signed up we were given the whole spiel about how the Navy was pro family. We already were married and had our oldest son when he enlisted. All it took was to make it to the first duty station to hear that "if the navy wanted you to have a family they would have been included in your seabag."

Hang in there, Tex. I know it isn't easy. I'm just praying that we get out of there sooner rather than later.
Reply #17 Top
btw, izzy is so cute. I just want to squeeze her.
Reply #18 Top

TW: you (and the other soldiers families/spouses and those soldiers) have every right to be upset and complain.  Unfortunately, as you know, it likely won't change things a bit as right now we're still damned if we do and damned if we don't about what we might do in Iraq and Afghanistan.

I hope both situations are wrapped up soon with everyone home safe and sound.  :big hopeful smiley:

Reply #19 Top

I think its crappy how the news came out.  My husband knew about it a few months ago but couldn't say anything because he knew I'd blab (at least to you).

He was at an airport when some of the guys were turned around (from going home) and sent back to duty.

Sux.  All the way round.

Reply #20 Top
Toblerone: I hope people see that. I get so frustrated with the way this is being sol to the public.

Loca: EXACTLY. At least be honest and give the real reason for all this; don't pretend it's designed to help military families. It's NOT.

Thanks.

And I'll be sure to squeeze her for you. She is a treasure.

Terp: Thanks. My intent in writing this wasn't to change things (I know I am powerless in all this), but to a) vent frustration and b) hopefully enlighten a civilian or two who might have bought the spin.

Tova: I agree. It was very poorly handled. The Major leading the Town Hall meeting immediately following the announcement apologized profusely and without excuse, and that was a nice gesture, but it wasn't his fault.

I was really disappointed that Adrian found out from me when I called.

It definitely does suck.

I want to savor Izzy's first year, but then sometimes I just want to hit the fast forward button and skip all this.
Reply #21 Top
"Don't buy the spin, people. Understand this: military families are getting SCREWED."

ITA! And no one can truly understand unless they've gone through it as well. I can only wish that the military would treat them like they are men and women, and not mindless automatons. It's depressing and it really pisses me off.

Also, I find it funny that people can't understand why the divorce rate is so high in the military. Ask the govt.
Reply #22 Top
Sausage-Man.


And all the sexual connotations that come with it . . .
Reply #23 Top
I couldn't agree with you more. If they truely felt they owed the Soldier's, they wouldn't deploy them away from their families for 15 months. I'm tired of this shit, too. It's shit like this is why they need a surge. They want to keep deployments longer and longer so no one wants to join. How is 15 months away from your spouse good for anyone? They could give 2 shits less though because it isn't one of their loved ones going over. Supposedly the Army is about family. That's a lie. My husband and I want to have another child but how are we supposed to with this going on? But it's okay I guess. That extra grand a month will compensate for being away for 15 months. Yea right. Deployments cause so much stress and obviously, none of the big wigs see that.
Reply #24 Top
I couldn't agree with you more. If they truely felt they owed the Soldier's, they wouldn't deploy them away from their families for 15 months. I'm tired of this shit, too. It's shit like this is why they need a surge. They want to keep deployments longer and longer so no one wants to join. How is 15 months away from your spouse good for anyone? They could give 2 shits less though because it isn't one of their loved ones going over. Supposedly the Army is about family. That's a lie. My husband and I want to have another child but how are we supposed to with this going on? But it's okay I guess. That extra grand a month will compensate for being away for 15 months. Yea right. Deployments cause so much stress and obviously, none of the big wigs see that.
Reply #25 Top
I couldn't agree with you more. If they truely felt they owed the Soldier's, they wouldn't deploy them away from their families for 15 months. I'm tired of this shit, too. It's shit like this is why they need a surge. They want to keep deployments longer and longer so no one wants to join. How is 15 months away from your spouse good for anyone? They could give 2 shits less though because it isn't one of their loved ones going over. Supposedly the Army is about family. That's a lie. My husband and I want to have another child but how are we supposed to with this going on? But it's okay I guess. That extra grand a month will compensate for being away for 15 months. Yea right. Deployments cause so much stress and obviously, none of the big wigs see that.