Queen of the Klutz People

from JoeUser Forums
Yes, I am, indeed the Queen of the Klutz People. Allow me to explain:

I have four visible scars from curling irons. I have three visible scars from hot glue guns. I have two scars across my fingers from shutting my fingers in a car door. I have a slice across another finger where I deeply cut my finger with a butter knife while attempting to slice a lime. (guess why) I have a 3 inch scar on my leg where I cut my leg shaving in the ninth grade. I have a lovely scar where I burned and stabbed my leg with a wood burning tool. I have second degree burns from ramen noodles. I have random bruises from God knows where.

And today? I have three bruises -- only one of which I can identify. I attacked an open drawer with my shin. The other two are, well, random. Then I knocked my head against a door. While dizzy, I stepped on a pair of scissors. Not a large cut, but any cut on the foot is a pain. I then cut myself shaving this evening. This one was a bleeder. While trying to find a band-aid, I got a paper cut.

I am not going to get out of bed for the rest of the night. Perhaps tomorrow I can get from point A to point B without hurting myself.
3,599 views 23 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Will your epitaph read: Here lies SHE, brutally attacked by inanimate objects?

You're not alone. I can trip over contour lines.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Will your epitaph read: Here lies SHE, brutally attacked by inanimate objects?


Not bad. I may have to use it.

You know, I actually went to a lecture once about how the inanimate objects were, in fact, out to get mankind. I didn't believe him until I started thinking about all of my injuries. Either they're out to get me, or my subconscious is a masochist.
Galactic Civilizations III
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
People always accuse me of having my head up in the clouds. Perhaps you're a dreamer too. Reality just doesn't cut it, or maybe it does.  
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Doc, you just got John Lennon stuck in my head. Thanks. I'll be humming "They say I'm a dreamer" for the rest of the night.

I do have a habit of day dreaming when I should be paying attention to things around me. I just don't see why it always has to end in pain! Reality bites!
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
LOL! I'm sorry you're such a klutz but I'm laughing because you're so funny! You're not the only one who burns herself with a curling iron, I do it everyday! ouch!


Mark, funny stuff!
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
The sad thing is, two of the visible burn scars are on my legs where I dropped the curling iron. Since then, I switched to a straitening iron that doesn't expose my skin to hot metal.

And my day isn't getting any better. We had a fire alarm go off in the dorm and what does the Klutz Queen do? She stubs her toe. I don't care if the whole building burns down, I am NOT getting out of bed again!
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Either they're out to get me, or my subconscious is a masochist


I think those dastardly coutour lines raise themselves up just to see me trip. I also regularly get tripped over by ants with big feet. Luckily, I've mastered the pratfall so at least I make falling over look good.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Every girl I know has, at some point, maimed herself with a curling iron. I myself did the car door thing today, right after parking and stepping out onto a busy street. I then leaned on the car and crossed my arms and, while trying to extract myself, invented a new expression which I call "please-God-end-the-pain-or-kill-me-now" casual. I think some of the passing females were impressed.

As far as the second degree burns go, that's what you get for eating Ramen. No human should go near that stuff, or Chef Boyardee.

Look on the bright side, though: You might be clumsy, but scars are hot.

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top

I get cuts and bruises all the time that I dont know where they came from.  I dont even realize half of them until I see the blood.

But Clumsy?  I conceed the title to you.

Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Every girl I know has, at some point, maimed herself with a curling iron


Very true... though not every girl has the scars on her legs...

invented a new expression which I call "please-God-end-the-pain-or-kill-me-now" casual. I think some of the passing females were impressed.


It does sound impressive.

As far as the second degree burns go, that's what you get for eating Ramen. No human should go near that stuff, or Chef Boyardee.


I'm a PCS (poor college student)-- Sometimes all I can afford is ramen. My friends did joke about having to cook it for me, adding ice, and then handing it to me.

But Clumsy? I conceed the title to you.


I think the nurses in student health services are about to give me a crown. Looking back through my chart the nurse started laughing. My visits include "Dropped bunk bed on wrist", "Burn on neck from curling iron", "large gash on finger", "second degree ramen noodle burns", among my other illnesses.

But would you believe I've never broken a bone? Must be all that milk I drank growing up.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Funny stuff. I was trying to come up with something positive to say. Some silver lining in all of it. Something to make you feel better, but sorry, you are a klutz.


Every girl I know has, at some point, maimed herself with a curling iron


Very true... though not every girl has the scars on her legs...

How long is the hair on your legs? Most women shave their legs not curl it.

Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
How long is the hair on your legs? Most women shave their legs not curl it.




I do shave my legs... that's why I have so many razor scars! I only drop the curling iron on my legs.

There is no silver lining... except I get to make people laugh by telling them what a klutz I am.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
But would you believe I've never broken a bone?


Breaking Headlines from CNN News..............................................

College Girl breaks collar bone tripping over crosswalk.......................

Pictures at 11.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm a PCS (poor college student)-- Sometimes all I can afford is ramen.


So am I, and I feel your pain, but I decided long ago I'd rather starve.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Breaking Headlines from CNN News..............................................

College Girl breaks collar bone tripping over crosswalk.......................

Pictures at 11.


If this happens to me on the way to choir, so help me...

So am I, and I feel your pain, but I decided long ago I'd rather starve.


I've actually realized it's better to buy a loaf of cheap bread and a jar of peanut butter... until the peanut butter attacked.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
Back in the day, I did the calculations, and I realized I could live on a loaf of bread and a pack of lunch meat per week. I didn't eat breakfast, two for a dollar hot dogs on campus for lunch, and a sandwich for dinner. Free added bonus: you couldn't gain the freshman fifteen, or any amount, on that diet if you tried.

until the peanut butter attacked.


Look out!!! The peanut...butter...is...gradually...approaching...
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
I can trip over contour lines.

ROFL....I love that. I am going to steal that.

Hmmm... inventory.
Burn from curling ironx2,
fish shaped scar on my stomach (from skinny dipping and then scraping my stomach on the one exposed screw on the canoe)
Burn on my stomach from getting too close to the frying pan while pregnant (Who fries stuff in the nude anyway?)
scar on my side from falling off a cliff
scar on my shin from falling off a waterfall
scar on my hand from slamming in in a sliding car door
scar on my foot....I forget the details.
4 scars on my legs and one on my elbow...details are also forgotten
Scar on my palm from catching a very sharp pencil....point first....
scar on inside of my fingers from trying to open a glass pop bottle
Hmmm. I guess I am only nominally a clutz....most of my problems are my own fault.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
I seem to have trouble falling out of the back of pickup trucks. Done it twice as a matter of fact and I have the scars to prove it. Fortunatly (!) only one time was the pick up truck moving down the road and that was the time it hurt the most! Ouch!
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
Actually, I DO have one "in bed" injury to report.

We had a bed with a bookcase headboard and for some inexplicable reason we kept a change jar on it. One night during a, umm, fit of passion, said change jar dislodged itself smack on my forehead. I was briefly afraind I might have gotten a consussion from it, and horrified at the thought of explaining THAT one in the ER!
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
Actually, I DO have one "in bed" injury to report.

We had a bed with a bookcase headboard and for some inexplicable reason we kept a change jar on it. One night during a, umm, fit of passion, said change jar dislodged itself smack on my forehead. I was briefly afraind I might have gotten a consussion from it, and horrified at the thought of explaining THAT one in the ER!


I have a burn mark from a candle that fell in the same way. Hot wax kinda killed the mood.
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
We had a bed with a bookcase headboard and for some inexplicable reason we kept a change jar on it. One night during a, umm, fit of passion, said change jar dislodged itself smack on my forehead. I was briefly afraind I might have gotten a consussion from it, and horrified at the thought of explaining THAT one in the ER!


Gid? Is that your birth control method?   
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
I have a burn mark from a candle that fell in the same way. Hot wax kinda killed the mood.


Then you plainly are not aware of the horribly enjoyable things that can be done with hot wax. Jut a teeeeeeny drop of it on the tip of an unhooded clitoris, for example...

];->
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
Then you plainly are not aware of the horribly enjoyable things that can be done with hot wax. Jut a teeeeeeny drop of it on the tip of an unhooded clitoris, for example...


I'll have to take your word for it. The river of burning wax on my arm was not pleasurable in the least. I'm just glad we didn't set anything on fire. Looking back, it would have been funny as hell, but at the time... not so much.