Suicide is painless...
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JoeUser Forums
CS3 was one of the first people I met when I was first coming aboard my ship. He was open, caring and a great guy. He welcomed me and told me of his family that he adored, and asked all sorts of questions about where I came from and seemed genuinely honest and open.
After a while on the ship I started up cranking. This is where your put to work in the Galley or such working with the cooks to help out the crew. I got to work with CS3 more and more while I was in there and learned him to be a very hard working and outstanding man. He would get down and do the grunt work of cleaning and also could cook a mighty fine meal.
At one point CS3 went UA (unauthorized abscense) from the ship. Apparently personal things in his life got the best of him and stressed him out too much for him to be able to cope with coming back to the ship. Eventually he comes back, and is set up on flight watch so that we can try and prevent him from going UA again. Little known among the crew was the fact that he wasn't just on flight watch but also suicide watch.
I was walking down the p-way, heading to grab a drink out of the vending machines, when a shipmate comes running down towards me yelling about a medical emergency. The shipmate grabs me and I follow him up to a certain room. I was just expecting some roughhousing gone wrong.. maybe a broken arm/leg or such or just a bad cut. Instead I walk into a room to see a body hanging limply from a noose, and I immediately knew who it was.
First thing we do is to try and pull him down, but once touching him we both know that we are way too late for any chance at this being helpful. The duty corpseman arrives and knew immediately what we had just learned ourselves, and told us to stop because it was now a crime scene.
Something I will never forget is the way his face looked. Nor the feel of his cold body as we tried to push him up. I can't describe the haze that I went through that night nor even all the emotions. A mix of fear, sadness and rage all balled up into one.
I still can't comprehend why though. This is something I feel I will never be able to comprehend. I can never put myself into the same mind frame that he was in nor do I think I would ever want to. I also wish I had known more that night. Wish I had known he had previously attempted to kill himself and that he was a threat to try again. I'd have been more than willing to help watch over him to keep from doing such an act.
I also feel a huge chung of rage/anger at such an act. I can't believe one such as him could so easily abandon his family. I KNOW how much he loves his kids, his wife, and his job. I felt such rage at him for doing such a selfish act, and now knowing that his wife has 2 kids to currently look over, and another one on the way of his.
I remember the night he told me of that kid that's coming. We were somewhere over on Neptune warrior, I believe just on our way back though I can't remember for sure. He came up to me with the biggest smile I've ever seen a man carry because he was going to have another kid. I'd never seen a man so happy in my life.
Yet now I've seen a man go from such a happy spot, to such a low sad spot.
I wish I could have helped more CS3. Wish you could have trusted in me more to talk to me instead of just jumping ahead. I wish I had read the signs better that day that you came back and would have offered an open healing hand that may have kept you from such tragedy. I will always have wishes and regrets about this that I won't be able to take back or change.
I only now can wish you peace. Not just to you but to your widow, and your kids. May they forever be taken care of and given the strength they need to flourish through the rest of their lives.
It is for them that I feel the most sorrow.
After a while on the ship I started up cranking. This is where your put to work in the Galley or such working with the cooks to help out the crew. I got to work with CS3 more and more while I was in there and learned him to be a very hard working and outstanding man. He would get down and do the grunt work of cleaning and also could cook a mighty fine meal.
At one point CS3 went UA (unauthorized abscense) from the ship. Apparently personal things in his life got the best of him and stressed him out too much for him to be able to cope with coming back to the ship. Eventually he comes back, and is set up on flight watch so that we can try and prevent him from going UA again. Little known among the crew was the fact that he wasn't just on flight watch but also suicide watch.
I was walking down the p-way, heading to grab a drink out of the vending machines, when a shipmate comes running down towards me yelling about a medical emergency. The shipmate grabs me and I follow him up to a certain room. I was just expecting some roughhousing gone wrong.. maybe a broken arm/leg or such or just a bad cut. Instead I walk into a room to see a body hanging limply from a noose, and I immediately knew who it was.
First thing we do is to try and pull him down, but once touching him we both know that we are way too late for any chance at this being helpful. The duty corpseman arrives and knew immediately what we had just learned ourselves, and told us to stop because it was now a crime scene.
Something I will never forget is the way his face looked. Nor the feel of his cold body as we tried to push him up. I can't describe the haze that I went through that night nor even all the emotions. A mix of fear, sadness and rage all balled up into one.
I still can't comprehend why though. This is something I feel I will never be able to comprehend. I can never put myself into the same mind frame that he was in nor do I think I would ever want to. I also wish I had known more that night. Wish I had known he had previously attempted to kill himself and that he was a threat to try again. I'd have been more than willing to help watch over him to keep from doing such an act.
I also feel a huge chung of rage/anger at such an act. I can't believe one such as him could so easily abandon his family. I KNOW how much he loves his kids, his wife, and his job. I felt such rage at him for doing such a selfish act, and now knowing that his wife has 2 kids to currently look over, and another one on the way of his.
I remember the night he told me of that kid that's coming. We were somewhere over on Neptune warrior, I believe just on our way back though I can't remember for sure. He came up to me with the biggest smile I've ever seen a man carry because he was going to have another kid. I'd never seen a man so happy in my life.
Yet now I've seen a man go from such a happy spot, to such a low sad spot.
I wish I could have helped more CS3. Wish you could have trusted in me more to talk to me instead of just jumping ahead. I wish I had read the signs better that day that you came back and would have offered an open healing hand that may have kept you from such tragedy. I will always have wishes and regrets about this that I won't be able to take back or change.
I only now can wish you peace. Not just to you but to your widow, and your kids. May they forever be taken care of and given the strength they need to flourish through the rest of their lives.
It is for them that I feel the most sorrow.
