Marriage and the Government

from JoeUser Forums
Subject: Marriage Again


If we are going to have marriage according to the bible, let's go all the way -

The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to:

"Pray for the President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the Definition of marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With any forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that God's Word and His standards will be honored by our government."

Any religious person believes prayer should be balanced by action. So here, in support of the Prayer Team's admirable goals, is a proposed Constitutional Amendment to codify marriage based on biblical principles:

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines, in addition to his wife or wives (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any state, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe. (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

Also there are a few other issues I'd like to see our government address:
1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev. 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev. 15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

Question...Anyone know where I can by a wife(lmfao)
2,555 views 6 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top

Brilliant.  Absolutely brilliant.

 

I laughed the whole way through.

Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top

This is actually an email floating around the net. The original one just focused on Leviticus (which has all kinds of crazy stuff that people who talk about taking the bible literally are apparently not familiar with).

And btw, I agree, I should be able to have concumbines! I say that because I'm selectively religious now!

Multiplicity - Control multiple PCs using one keyboard and mouse
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ah, the fabulous Doctor Laura letter:

Q. 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

A. Methinks it's been awhile since you've been near the temple...

Most of these rules were given specifically to the Jews and do not apply to others (read _us_). They are in the Bible for historical reasons. All of the requirements that are listed there, as well as the kosher laws and other Judaeic laws, are designed to demonstrate that you cannot obey the law. Psalms says that the Spirit of God moves upon the Earth looking for the righteous and that there is none righteous (Psalms 53:1-3). The New Testament was designed to show you that your salvation is unattainable through works. The only way to heaven is through accepting Jesus Christ as lord and in recognizing His death on the cross as payment for our sins.

However, the injunction against gays _is_ specifically listed in the New Testament as applying to us. In Romans, Paul's letter that was written to the non-jews (read _us_), homosexuality (both gay and lesbian) is specifically spoken against. I might particularly point out verses 21 and 22 as applying to the author of the Dear Laura letter.

-- Romans --
19 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20 Ever since the creation of the world his eternal power and divine nature, invisible though they are, have been understood and seen through the things he has made. So they are without excuse; 21 for though they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their senseless minds were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools; 23 and they exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling a mortal human being or birds or four-footed animals or reptiles. 24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the degrading of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. 26 For this reason God gave them up to degrading passions. Their women exchanged natural intercourse for unnatural, 27 and in the same way also the men, giving up natural intercourse with women, were consumed with passion for one another. Men committed shameless acts with men and received in their own persons the due penalty for their error. 28 And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind and to things that should not be done. 29 They were filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, covetousness, malice. Full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, craftiness, they are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, rebellious toward parents, 31 foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32 They know God's decree, that those who practice such things deserve to die—yet they not only do them but even applaud others who practice them.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
And yes, I am aware of the injunctions in Romans 2. Judgement is not mine to pass. I am merely holding up the Christian side of the argument.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ah yes, my friend sent this e-mail to me. I personally believe in not following the Old Testament word for word ( funny how some people say they do but don't really, isn't it?). I think it sets a historical precedence for Christianity. I also think its important to remember that it wasn't written by God himself, but by humans, priests specifically.

Remember that what people thought of God was not always accurate. That's why we learned so much when Jesus cam and changef things. At that time, disease was thought to be a physical sign of sin, so I think that a lot of the 'laws' that were taught by the priests were ways to keep people healthy. If you read some of the laws, I'll think you'll find that this pretty much applies in some way or another: rules about what animals to eat, how to eat them, etc. Just some thoughts.

~Molly
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
point e (proscription against divorce) is clearly evidenced by all four evangelists and would seem to take precedence over any other proposed constitutional amendment regarding marriage.

Matt.19.9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery." "
Mark.10.11 And he said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her;
Mark.10.12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."
Luke.16.18 "Every one who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.
John 4: 17 The woman answered, and said: I have no husband. Jesus said to her: Thou hast said well, I have no husband:
John 4: 18 For thou hast had five husbands: and he whom thou now hast, is not thy husband. This thou hast said truly.

isnt there something else bout removing the mote from one's own eye first?