YOU ARE GOING TO HELL.
There is nothing I can do to make you white.
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Gilford Tuttle here, once more addressing you whores and whore-mongers. I am writing today because I have been getting angry responses to the statement that only white people are getting into heaven. Well, someone had to say it. I mean, we don't want them in our neighborhood, let alone in our Heaven, and I know I speak for the Blonde Buff Jock Jesus when I say that while most beloved pets will be allowed to frolic about in the golden gates, no 'person of color' will ever be allowed to muddy the pure, white palace of our lord.
What can you do then, if you were cursed to be one of Satan's children here on earth? Well, buying a Holy Holy High Colonic and the Divine Douche of Jesus Juice can only help your cause, but since you are different than us, and we are about as perfect as humans can be (I speak of the Church OF Tuttle, where our two year old is speaking in tounges even before starting to use the vile, satan tainted language of man), heaven is just a bit much to ask for, don't you think?
I have also been questioned about the Blonde Buff Ones Policy of keeping all Harlots and whores out of the heavenly kingdom. For some reason, these people have some idea that they will be 'forgiven' for fornicating and carrying on in crack houses and such like the average american eight year old girl. No, the Blonde Buff One has standards, and you just don't meet them if you have fornicated outside of marriage -- even if you were blessed with white skin.
But wait... all is not fire and brimstone yet... no, send your check to the Gilford Family Cable Bill Fund, care of The Church Of The Bleeding Toe, and I may be able to talk the blonde buff one into sending you to one of the lesser tortures in hell -- like the one where your fingernails are pulled out, which beats the heck out of having a hot poker jammed up your but for all eternity. I mean, sending money to the most blessed man on the planet can only help, right?
Gilford Tuttle, White Male Christian Warrior, can also be found at http://theelvesattic.ebloggy.com
What can you do then, if you were cursed to be one of Satan's children here on earth? Well, buying a Holy Holy High Colonic and the Divine Douche of Jesus Juice can only help your cause, but since you are different than us, and we are about as perfect as humans can be (I speak of the Church OF Tuttle, where our two year old is speaking in tounges even before starting to use the vile, satan tainted language of man), heaven is just a bit much to ask for, don't you think?
I have also been questioned about the Blonde Buff Ones Policy of keeping all Harlots and whores out of the heavenly kingdom. For some reason, these people have some idea that they will be 'forgiven' for fornicating and carrying on in crack houses and such like the average american eight year old girl. No, the Blonde Buff One has standards, and you just don't meet them if you have fornicated outside of marriage -- even if you were blessed with white skin.
But wait... all is not fire and brimstone yet... no, send your check to the Gilford Family Cable Bill Fund, care of The Church Of The Bleeding Toe, and I may be able to talk the blonde buff one into sending you to one of the lesser tortures in hell -- like the one where your fingernails are pulled out, which beats the heck out of having a hot poker jammed up your but for all eternity. I mean, sending money to the most blessed man on the planet can only help, right?
Gilford Tuttle, White Male Christian Warrior, can also be found at http://theelvesattic.ebloggy.com
