A vote for Monogomy

oh yeah, let's not forget that parental consent would disapear for kids....after all, it wouldn't be "marriage" anymore. Hey if a girl can get knocked up, get an abortion and not tell mom....why should a wedding be the exception?

I agree with you.

My question as a woman is this.

What is the physical difference between being a slut and being involved in polyamory?

Nothing I can see.

What is the physical difference between being a slut and being involved in polyamory?Nothing I can see.

Oh, very good point. Thanks.

I'm all for polyamory as long as it's me with multiple partners and not her.

When I was in marriage counseling, our counselor said that you cannot have a good relationship if you are sleeping with other people even if you come to an agreement before hand to be swingers or have an open relationship. I agree with him.

When I was in marriage counseling, our counselor said that you cannot have a good relationship if you are sleeping with other people even if you come to an agreement before hand to be swingers or have an open relationship. I agree with him.

Amen.

You pointed out my biggest beef with the Catholic church, lifehappens. The fact that they had a chance to make me pope and they did not (LOL!)

Now of course, I'm not Catholic, never have been Catholic, and have no intention to convert. But I look right smart in a miter, and that and my sincerity (and affinity for Popemobiles) should have been enough to suffice. Alas, the current leadership did not concur.

But I digress. Good article!

Fantastic. You're a deep thinker and you word it so well.

You taught me a new word too, "polyamory." I feel sorry for any children of such people. What a messed-up, foundationless life that would be.

Personally, for the sake of everyone remotely related & acquainted with me, I strive to shoo away all of my wayward imaginations...and just stick to the basic husband-wife-child(ren) lifestyle. That's really the way it's meant to be. We're seeing so many people who find it tempting to go way out of those boundaries to satisfy curiosities...only to learn the hard way how unstable and dissatisfying such lifestyles turn out to be.

Great article.

P.S. I used to wish there was some version of being a Nun in our church...well, maybe someone like Sheri Dew might fit such a description...always helping people, never getting married for whatever reason. But I couldn't hold out

Maybe I misread this, but it seems to be somewhat anti-polyamory. I'm not quite sure I understand why. If you don't want to be polyamorous, then don't be.

People have to live their own lives. They choose the clothes they wear and the food they eat. They choose their occupations and the cars they drive - the music they listen to and their favorite sports team. Why does how another person relates to other people factor in so heavily to our personal lives?

There are those people out there in polyamorous relationships that enjoy their very short lives living that way, so if you are going to naysay the way they choose to live, I have two questions:

1. Have you informed yourself about the subject in depth? It does not seem so. Here's a link-> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory. You'll find that for the truly polyamorous, there is more to it than being a slut. Granted, there are those out there that are sluts and write it off to being polyamorous, but by definition of the practice, they are posers.

2. Would you invite the polyamorous to come in and judge your life and choices?

In closing, I would like to point out that you can not make a commmitment for life because it implies taking an action *now* that extends into a future that doesn't exist yet. The future is a figment of your imagination. Every commitment you make is made one moment at a time. I think even the polyamorous would agree with that.

*If* this article is written from a Christian perspective, my apologies for commenting as your beliefs would then be clearly within that frame of reference, and I certainly wouldn't question your belief system. But if you strongly disagree with polyamory, I would recommend another big thing from that same frame of reference: forgiveness.

Ciao

I have to say that I agree with you mostly, I think that you should be in a relationship with one person, and that is it. However, I think I could quite happily just live with someone and not actually get married. Does a piece of paper really make such a difference? If I make the decision to live with them, and live as a partnership, surely that should be enough?

We're seeing so many people who find it tempting to go way out of those boundaries to satisfy curiosities...only to learn the hard way how unstable and dissatisfying such lifestyles turn out to be

And that is the problem. People demand the right to live however they want. They are disregarding the vast amounts of evidence showing that it is unstable, and eventually a failure.

Have you informed yourself about the subject in depth?

Yes, I've read up on it. I do not label all polymorous groups as "sluts". According the definition, it's the practice of being in more than one relationship, with the knowlege and consent of all partners.

I would like to point out that you can not make a commmitment for life because it implies taking an action *now* that extends into a future that doesn't exist yet. The future is a figment of your imagination. Every commitment you make is made one moment at a time. I think even the polyamorous would agree with that.

So having a kid means that we want them now when they are a cute baby, but we can't commit to being there as they become a teen because it hasn't happened yet? HELLLOOOO! This is a very thinly veiled stand that allows you to avoid taking responsibility for your own actions. It is pathetic and reprehensible that you have so little honor. When someone makes a commitment or gives their word, honor and integrity demand that it be upheld. unfortunately for you, the people in your life and those who come in contact with you.....it appears as if you have none.

And YES, id do invite others to investigate my life and choices. I stand my my decisions, I hold up to my mistakes and I accept my flaws. but I don't absolve myself of personal responsibility.

But if you strongly disagree with polyamory, I would recommend another big thing from that same frame of reference: forgiveness.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with accepting or condoning something that I feel is wrong. There are no redeeming qualities in open relationships under any name. Marriage is between a man and woman for the express purose of joining together with the intent of forming a bond and raising children under that umbrella and shield. If you think any other relationship can best that, you are wrong. The intent of my article was not to stroke my ego for having a "christian belief". It comes from seeing the devistation that the alternative relationships are causing. Look at the stats. It does not hold that the more popular it is, the more correct it is. You want to sleep around? You want to avoid responsibility or commitment? Fine. But don't try to clean it up with a nice name.

And don't assume that becuase I believe something is wrong, I need to practice forgiveness. Who exactly to do you think should I forgive? This is a typical liberal attack, trying to impune my opinions and beliefs. I have done nothing wrong, I need no forgivenss granted to me for my thoughts and I can't possibly understand how there are people I need to forgive. Have you heard the phrase, love the sinner but hate the sin? Well, think about the fact, I did not attack anyone. I just pointed out that the concept, the system is flawed.
No forgiveness needed.

have to say that I agree with you mostly, I think that you should be in a relationship with one person, and that is it. However, I think I could quite happily just live with someone and not actually get married. Does a piece of paper really make such a difference? If I make the decision to live with them, and live as a partnership, surely that should be enough?

Thanks for inspiring me to joe. And to answer your question. Yes, a piece of paper does make a difference. Studies have proven that without a declaration of intent. A commitment being made, that there isn't one. Agreeing to live together is just that. The unspoken, even subconscious thought is, "If it doesnt' work out, I can just find a new roomate or move out." that is why people who get married AFTER living together have a greater chance of divorce. Suddenly they have given up the safety net, they feel trapped. The only difference was the piece of paper. They *could* get out of it, but suddenly it's a commitment that *forces* them to be together. The lost the appearance of choice.

You want a partnership? Form a company. You want a permanent relationship? Get hitched.

I would like to point out that you can not make a commmitment for life because it implies taking an action *now* that extends into a future that doesn't exist yet. The future is a figment of your imagination. Every commitment you make is made one moment at a time. I think even the polyamorous would agree with that.So having a kid means that we want them now when they are a cute baby, but we can't commit to being there as they become a teen because it hasn't happened yet? HELLLOOOO! This is a very thinly veiled stand that allows you to avoid taking responsibility for your own actions. It is pathetic and reprehensible that you have so little honor. When someone makes a commitment or gives their word, honor and integrity demand that it be upheld. unfortunately for you, the people in your life and those who come in contact with you.....it appears as if you have none.

Having thought on it a moment, I realized this. You are right. For you, there IS NO FUTURE. You choose not to commit, so the issue never comes up. You float through life avoiding anything that would infringe upon your ability to avoid responsibility. And therefore, you prove your theory. No commitment can last.

LH: You rule.

I agree with you 100%. An "open" relationship that allows for infidelity is just that, a relationship without faith, in which no real trust can occur. It fractures families, lives and homes. All in the name of "freedom".

And, like you, I can, and most certainly do condemn the practice. I am sick to death of a society that seems to think that, if we take a stand on an issue (particularly a moral issue), we are evil because we are making a judgement. Clue to the clueless: we make judgments every day. I suppose some of us just have the spine to actually admit to it. There are things I believe are wrong, and no quantity of rhetoric will change that. That doesn't mean I hate, dislike, or even condemn someone who practices something I believe to be wrong, but it doesn't change the fact I believe it to be wrong.

LifeHappens: I think your argument would be more compelling if you shared your sources.

You've stated repeatedly that polyamorous relationships are doomed to failure and that they cause all manner of heartache and problems, and have alluded to research confirming this. It would be helpful (to me anyway) to have some links/sources listed.

I would also like to know how the relationship choices of others negatively affect you/your relationship.

Would you mind elaborating in those two areas?

Marriage for the tax break and NOT living together.

Tax break?  Where?  I pay more in taxes being married than when we were single and living together.  Where is this tax break that you speak of?

I don't believe that you have to have a "religious" reason to have a monogamous relationship.  I also don't believe that marriage itself is what binds you to a person.  being "married" has not changed my commitment to my husband, it just changed my name.  I'm committed to my husband because I only want to be with him, not because of some legal/religious/whatever bond that was made.

Why is there so much divorce? Because people are selfish animals.  I'm not sure what will change that.

Tax break? Where? I pay more in taxes being married than when we were single and living together. Where is this tax break that you speak of?

LOL...I LOVE that myth too, karma. Just like the people that insist parents have kids for the tax benefits. Sure, they get more taxes back, but if you're having kids for the tax benefits, you're a lousy economist!

I would like to point out that you can not make a commmitment for life because it implies taking an action *now* that extends into a future that doesn't exist yet. The future is a figment of your imagination. Every commitment you make is made one moment at a time. I think even the polyamorous would agree with that.So having a kid means that we want them now when they are a cute baby, but we can't commit to being there as they become a teen because it hasn't happened yet? HELLLOOOO! This is a very thinly veiled stand that allows you to avoid taking responsibility for your own actions. It is pathetic and reprehensible that you have so little honor. When someone makes a commitment or gives their word, honor and integrity demand that it be upheld. unfortunately for you, the people in your life and those who come in contact with you.....it appears as if you have none. Having thought on it a moment, I realized this. You are right. For you, there IS NO FUTURE. You choose not to commit, so the issue never comes up. You float through life avoiding anything that would infringe upon your ability to avoid responsibility. And therefore, you prove your theory. No commitment can last.

Actually, I live in a committed monogamous relationship that's quite well.

A+ on the reaction, though.

I too am curious how other people's choice effect you.

If I decide to have 7 different boyfriends (one for each day of the week) who I believe I love and that they love me--what's it to you?

In my opinion, the world would be a much better place if everyone MYOB'd--unless my actions directly effect your well being, I could care less what you think (Disclaimer: the "you" in this sentence is a general "you" and not specifically directed at lifehappens or anyone else. I should also note that I do not have 7 boyfriends).

My original reply: If they are infaithful.....it isn't monogamy anymore, is it?

This is circular logic at its best. "Monogamy works because when it fails it wasn't monogamy." I'd venture a guess that when someone cheats (and the relationship is no longer monogamous), monagmy fails in that instance. Clearly, it does work sometimes, but it also fails sometime.

my two cents on how other people's choices effect me:

I am raising 3 ( soon to be 4) children in a family where my siblings and siblings-in-law make choices and choose lifestyles that I don't care to participate in and that i would teach my children not to participate in. This puts me in the unpleasant situation of being accepting and loving of my siblings, despite their choices, while also trying to teach my children differently. I do love my siblings. And i love my children and have a responsibility to them to teach them what i believe is right. But, I can't help worrying that they will see me as a hypocrit - which is hardly condusive to good parent/child relations. I also see how hurt my parents are by some of the choices of my siblings, and that hurts me, too.

I am bewildered by people who really believe that what they choose has no effect on others. it's like dropping a pebble in a pond. the pebble doesn't go far, but the ripples go on and on.

I didn't know something had to effect me to have an opinion on it.

But, I can't help worrying that they will see me as a hypocrit - which is hardly condusive to good parent/child relations.

A hypocrite is one who says one thing and does another, mamie. If you're NOT participating in those things and teaching your children not to participate in those things, how does that make you a hypocrite?

You CHOOSE to expose your children to the choices of your family. You are not chained to your family, and while you may have good reasons for being around them, you are under no obligation to do so. They choose to make their choices, and it is absolutely unconscionable to think that they should submit THEIR lifestyle choices to you before they make them. You have NO RIGHT whatsoever to place such demands on them. They will ultimately have to answer for their actions, but their lives are theirs to lead, as your life is yours to lead.

Sorry I havn't replied yet. I'm dealing with the A/C guy. Let me do a quick comment and I'll get back to the rest later.

Marriage for the tax break and NOT living together.

I didn't say it was smart. People do marry for reasons other than love or obligation, that was the point.

I'm committed to my husband because I only want to be with him, not because of some legal/religious/whatever bond that was made.

I understand exaclty what you are saying. Think of it this way. If you are working on losing weight, or not smoking, what advice is usually given? To lannounce your intentions. To make a verbal or written commitment to your

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stupid Computer.

I'm fed up right now. I'll try to post again later.

Gideon, I agree with you. Of course my family has the right to make their own choices. I never suggested that they seek my approval for their decisions and I never would. The point I was making was that the things they do choose effect me.

As a wife, mother, daughter, sister, citizen, etc. there is hardly a choice I make that doesn't effect someone else.

Maybe my example was too personal. If some one in a hurry chooses to run a red light and crashes into me, or the neighbor chooses to leave his dog out unsupervised and it bites my child the argument : "It wasn't my choice to make, therefore it doesn't effect me" just doesn't hold up.

That's why we have laws and rules of ettiquette and hold that some things are socially acceptable and some are not. Because what we do, the choices we make, effect others. And I think we do have the right and the responsibility to put demands and pressures on each other so that we don't decend into chaos.

sorry this is off subject, life. good article.

Marriage is a divorce just waiting to happen.