Independence Day: A Requiem

from JoeUser Forums

Another place, another time :)

writing
1,691 views 8 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Wow!

...

Uhm, yeah. Wow!

That gave me goose bumps while reading it, Gideon.

Very well done!
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thanks, Chaos. I did submit it to a poetry site (not poetry.com, it exceeded the word count) to reinforce the copyright. I hope it gets read.
Ashes of the Singularity II
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
This was very moving, Gideon. My son=in-law is in Iraq. In between phone calls, whcih thankfully are frequent, my daughter relies on intuition to know if he's safe or not.
Good requiem.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top




This was very moving, Gideon. My son=in-law is in Iraq. In between phone calls, whcih thankfully are frequent, my daughter relies on intuition to know if he's safe or not.


What I tried to do in this particular poem (and I hope I succeeded) is not to moralize on war itself, but to show its effects on those left behind. I think sometimes it's the artist's job to paint the picture and leave it to the viewer (or, in this case, the reader) to interpret it.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
I echo Chaos.  This is very moving and excellent.  Thanks for sharing.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
I liked it too Gid because it was straight forward....no innuendo and guessing...my kind of poetry.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
I liked it too Gid because it was straight forward....no innuendo and guessing...my kind of poetry.


Yeah, that's one reason why I don't write much poetry. Because free verse and a lot of symbolism are overdone by too many writers, and, frankly, that's not my style.

I'm more a lyricist than I am a poet, though, and this poem is no exception. When I write, I don't usually sit down to think it out, it just sort of comes when it comes. This one was one of those. I thought about tying back to "Independence Day" in every stanza, but thought that would be too jingoistic. So I switched it, and saved it for the final punch.

I'm not going to be shedding any tears if anyone out there decides they want to publish this, though (LOL). I have submitted it, and may shop it out to a few of the addresses in my Writer's Market.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Gideon

This was very very good. This gave me goosebumps.

I have never been a poetry fan, but since I started reading Buddah Moskowitz I am checking out everyone now.

This would make a beautiful song.