You LIE!!
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
I don't know if it's because I'm pregnant or what, but I've noticed that people now seem compelled to lie to me to spare my feelings.
I don't particularly mind this, but it would be nice if EVERYONE would lie to me ALWAYS just to keep things consistent, or at the very least, tell convincing lies.
Lie #1: "You're not fat, you're pregnant."
This is very sweet. And for many women this is true. However, if I was fat before I became pregnant, how did I suddenly become not fat and instead just pregnant?
It's a LIE!
Lie #2: Since I got my treadmill, I've been walking twice a day for about a mile each time, at a pretty vigorous pace. I'm not an active person. I don't go around sweaty. I find it icky. So now I get all rosy and drenched in sweat twice a day.
Last night after I finished my mile, I came in all wet and yucky. My husband reached for me and I said, "I'm gross. I stink."
My husband replied, "You never stink." (I would say this is probably a lie since he used the word "never", but I don't *normally* stink, and I think that's what he meant.) He followed that up with, "Try going 7 days in the desert without a shower."
I walked over to him and said, "Here. Smell my neck." My neck was covered in sweat. It was all wet and icky with hairs stuck to it. He buried his face in my wet neck skin and inhaled deeply.
After breathing in my aroma, he said, in a dismissive tone, "You smell like a girl."
LIE!! LIE!! Unless by "like a girl" he meant "gross and smelly", that was a big fat lie.
Lie #3: I got out the bath this morning (after washing off that "like a girl" scent), dried off, did my whole girly routine, got dressed, and came downstairs. I looked around but saw no husband. The bathroom door was open, so there was only one other place he could be.
I opened the garage door and peeked out. Unfortunately, he was in there, and so was my neighbor. Ugh. I stood there, fully dressed, but sans make up and with a towel on my head while she stared back at me, looking like something from a Bratz dolls commercial. Nice slim hips and toned belly. Cute little outfit. Make up and hair perfect. Yuck.
She had come to take back a couch she gave me last year. Now this couch was in the garage, so I'm sure it appeared to her that I didn't want it, but I DO. And plus you shouldn't be an Indian Giver. But whatever.
She called me "Momma". This is my new nickname with everyone in the neighborhood, despite the fact that they all have a million kids too. She asked how I was feeling. Then she told me that I looked smaller and made a hand motion to indicate that my hips were slimmer. Then she added, "Not in your boobs, though!"
Ok, so I have lost a bit of weight. 13 lbs. at first, then I gained 3 back. So I'm down 10 lbs. I've looked all over for where those pounds might have disappeared from and I can't figure it out. I look the same. My belly is bigger, but everything is EXACTLY the same. Where the hell did that weight go away from?!?
All that just to point out that she was LYING!!
And to top it off, when I protested she pulled the "You're not fat, you're pregnant!" card! My husband followed up with, "I tell her that all the time."
LIARS!! All of them. I mean, it's sweet that people want to spare my feelings, but a) don't be so blatant about it (at least make it believable!) and
how come you can't lie to me all nice like that when I'm NOT pregnant?
Grrrr!
And with that, I'm off to get some Cheetos...I mean...some fruit.
I don't particularly mind this, but it would be nice if EVERYONE would lie to me ALWAYS just to keep things consistent, or at the very least, tell convincing lies.
Lie #1: "You're not fat, you're pregnant."
This is very sweet. And for many women this is true. However, if I was fat before I became pregnant, how did I suddenly become not fat and instead just pregnant?
It's a LIE!
Lie #2: Since I got my treadmill, I've been walking twice a day for about a mile each time, at a pretty vigorous pace. I'm not an active person. I don't go around sweaty. I find it icky. So now I get all rosy and drenched in sweat twice a day.
Last night after I finished my mile, I came in all wet and yucky. My husband reached for me and I said, "I'm gross. I stink."
My husband replied, "You never stink." (I would say this is probably a lie since he used the word "never", but I don't *normally* stink, and I think that's what he meant.) He followed that up with, "Try going 7 days in the desert without a shower."
I walked over to him and said, "Here. Smell my neck." My neck was covered in sweat. It was all wet and icky with hairs stuck to it. He buried his face in my wet neck skin and inhaled deeply.
After breathing in my aroma, he said, in a dismissive tone, "You smell like a girl."
LIE!! LIE!! Unless by "like a girl" he meant "gross and smelly", that was a big fat lie.
Lie #3: I got out the bath this morning (after washing off that "like a girl" scent), dried off, did my whole girly routine, got dressed, and came downstairs. I looked around but saw no husband. The bathroom door was open, so there was only one other place he could be.
I opened the garage door and peeked out. Unfortunately, he was in there, and so was my neighbor. Ugh. I stood there, fully dressed, but sans make up and with a towel on my head while she stared back at me, looking like something from a Bratz dolls commercial. Nice slim hips and toned belly. Cute little outfit. Make up and hair perfect. Yuck.
She had come to take back a couch she gave me last year. Now this couch was in the garage, so I'm sure it appeared to her that I didn't want it, but I DO. And plus you shouldn't be an Indian Giver. But whatever.
She called me "Momma". This is my new nickname with everyone in the neighborhood, despite the fact that they all have a million kids too. She asked how I was feeling. Then she told me that I looked smaller and made a hand motion to indicate that my hips were slimmer. Then she added, "Not in your boobs, though!"
Ok, so I have lost a bit of weight. 13 lbs. at first, then I gained 3 back. So I'm down 10 lbs. I've looked all over for where those pounds might have disappeared from and I can't figure it out. I look the same. My belly is bigger, but everything is EXACTLY the same. Where the hell did that weight go away from?!?
All that just to point out that she was LYING!!
And to top it off, when I protested she pulled the "You're not fat, you're pregnant!" card! My husband followed up with, "I tell her that all the time."
LIARS!! All of them. I mean, it's sweet that people want to spare my feelings, but a) don't be so blatant about it (at least make it believable!) and
how come you can't lie to me all nice like that when I'm NOT pregnant?Grrrr!
And with that, I'm off to get some Cheetos...I mean...some fruit.
