How NOT to Respond to Homeschoolers

from JoeUser Forums

As homeschoolers, it is not uncommon for us to encounter a great number of individuals who are entirely unfamiliar with the practice. Being educators, we usually see that as a good time to educate them about the numerous myths and misconceptions about homeschooling.

However, there is one especially appalling response from these individuals that we must endure on a regular basis. It's especially common among educators.

They often feel the need to spontaneously test our children on topics they feel are age/grade appropriate. They will ask any number of questions and expect my children to perform like trained seals.

While entirely well meaning, it's interesting to note they don't have the same compulsion as applies to public school children. Often, the questions are either so remarkably simplistic as to leave my children obviously insulted (Hint: when you ask an eight year old to "spell CAT", you're being condescending), or they will be so complex that, while they may know the answer, a spontaneous answer would be unreasonable for an adult, let alone a young child.

If you are ever confronted with a homeschooling family and tempted to do the same, rest assured the parents probably know what they are doing. If they are following the state requirements for homeschooling, that should be more than sufficient for you. While most families will politely accomodate you, rest assured that very few of us are actually appreciative of your attempted intrusion.

If you want to ask questions about our curriculum choices, fine. I'm more than happy to answer those; I LOVE to educate others about homeschooling. If you want to ask about structure or educational philosophies, I'm all ears. But if you want to evaluate the quality of our homeschool based on your own highly subjective criteria, it might be wise to bite your tongue and think up another, better topic.

2,671 views 20 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
As a former homeschooler and now as professional educator, I understand. Been there, done that. My big gripe was people who would look at me wide-eyed and say "what about socialization?"

Finally I got fed up and prepared a speech:
"Most of the 'socialization' that goes on in school is negative--bullying and cliques. In the 'real world' people are not sorted according to age in groups of 20-30, so traditional school socialization is not preparing them for work-place dynamics. Homeschooling teaches children how to function and learn within a family setting. They will be part of a family for the rest of their lives. Homeschooling allows more time for socialization with friends because there is no homework. The kids are involved in church, scouts and 4H activities in addition to the home-school support group. Besides, in a family of 10, what they are craving is not socialization, but privacy."

That finally shut up the nay-sayers
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
In a reality where public school seniors are told they are doing well if they can read at a 9th grade level and do math at a 7th, I think any public school educator who even thinks of challenging the validity of a home school eduation is just being a total boor.

Public school systems are against home schooling for one reason and one reason alone... they hate the competition. They hate that there is a choice other than locking our kids up as their personal play dough.

I live in an area that has a great school system. The teachers are paid well, have great benefit packages (yet constantly complain about how it isn't enough). They have so much money they have to invent ways to spend it all (yet the books are tattered and out dated); I mean, the school districts here have their own tax levy authority!!

Yet... When you talk to teachers or administrators about the short comings in the system, they will drown you in the high standardized test scores, the low truancy rates, the high graduation rates.... all sorts of things....

However, when I ask them questions like, "how many graduates of the Sheboygan County Puplic Schools are in sub 101 classes in college? How do your alumni do in college math, science and classes specific to their major?"

What I get from those questions are blank stares and "well, we don't track that"...

Hmmm, so what they are telling me is, they only care about stastics and numbers and don't give a rats behind about how well they are truly educating students.

To me, if a dish looks wonderful, smells great, and makes my mouth water just looking at it... if it tastes like mud when it reaches my mouth, it is probably just nice looking and smelling mud.

I have seen homeschooling shine, and I've seen it fail miserably, however, whether it was great or terrible for the child, it wasn't the institution of homeschooling that made the difference... it was the parents doing it.
Siege of Centauri
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Been there, done that. My big gripe was people who would look at me wide-eyed and say "what about socialization?"


My anwer to that is, "what socialization... anytime we got too social in class we were told to be quiet" ;~D
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top

"Most of the 'socialization' that goes on in school is negative--bullying and cliques. In the 'real world' people are not sorted according to age in groups of 20-30, so traditional school socialization is not preparing them for work-place dynamics. Homeschooling teaches children how to function and learn within a family setting. They will be part of a family for the rest of their lives. Homeschooling allows more time for socialization with friends because there is no homework. The kids are involved in church, scouts and 4H activities in addition to the home-school support group. Besides, in a family of 10, what they are craving is not socialization, but privacy."

Ms. Mitchell,

I've gone through a number of responses on this one. Finally I settled on the following answer:

"If you're a part of an active homeschooling group, as I ALWAYS advocate, you quickly find the problem isn't about getting ENOUGH socialization. It's about getting TOO MUCH. So many great opportunities, so many activities that you have to be able to get good at saying "NO" to some activities so that you actually have time to stay home and educate".

That one works well with "professional" teachers.

Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top

I have seen homeschooling shine, and I've seen it fail miserably, however, whether it was great or terrible for the child, it wasn't the institution of homeschooling that made the difference... it was the parents doing it.

Another one of my comments to this issue is, "If you're homeschooling solely for academic excellence, stop. You need to be committed to the homeschooling philosophy, and that takes more than just a gut reaction to the local school system. The difference between success and failure in ANY academic setting is parental involvement"

(I'm actually working on a book on the subject, and both of the above comments will definitely be a part of it).

Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

I was appalled when I homeschooled my son.  Appalled that they actually learned so little in a day!  By the end of the year we home schooled my son, he was a grade ahead of his School mates!

It is not easy, but if you can do it, the children are much better off for it.

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
When I see a school system that cares about education instead of perpetuating ignorance, I'll rethink my stance on homeschooling.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
How do homeschooling groups control for bad teachers? If the traditional school system has a virtue, it's that particularly bad teachers don't tend to last (at least where I went to school anyway). Do homeschooling groups recommend sending kids to a public or private school if they see that the parents aren't up to the job?
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
How do homeschooling groups control for bad teachers? If the traditional school system has a virtue, it's that particularly bad teachers don't tend to last (at least where I went to school anyway).


BS. If a teacher is tenured, no amount of incompetence or laziness will get them fired... and the worse part is, all too often the other teachers will lie through their teeth to defend the incompetent tenured teacher.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
BS. If a teacher is tenured, no amount of incompetence or laziness will get them fired... and the worse part is, all too often the other teachers will lie through their teeth to defend the incompetent tenured teacher.


Really? Teachers didn't get tenure where I went to school. They either met the targets set or got their walking papers. But at least in a school the teachers change every class, so incompetence across the board is unlikely. How do the orgs manage for this when a single parent teaches everything?
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
They either met the targets set or got their walking papers. But at least in a school the teachers change every class, so incompetence across the board is unlikely.

Devil's advocate alert. be warned these are not my opinions. I am merely mimicking what I have heard from professional educators...

But what about the pressure? How could teachers be expected to "perform" like trained monkeys in order to reach federally mandated levels of education for each student? Teachers are not trained monkeys! DANCE, MONKEY! DANCE!

Is that not an accurate reflection of the other side of this argument?
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Is that not an accurate reflection of the other side of this argument?


Sure. But it's really just an illustration of what the school system has in place to deal with poor teachers. It may not work, but it exists. What I'm interested in knowing is if there's something similar working in homeschooling groups. Do homeschoolers have to sit the same exams as school students to gauge progress? Are good parents who are poor teachers dissuaded from homeschooling?
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
"BS. If a teacher is tenured, no amount of incompetence or laziness will get them fired... and the worse part is, all too often the other teachers will lie through their teeth to defend the incompetent tenured teacher."

First off, this is wrong.

No school, district, or colleague wants an incompetant person teaching their children. More now than ever, are districts pressured for academic success. Teachers are evaluated Constantly and thoroughly (often by more than one person) throughout the school year. If they arent meeting the districts requirements, they get canned. Sure, some teachers might not want Joe Schmoe to leave, but for the majority...if he is not doing his job, they will want him to be gone. Last thing I want is to be a 4th grade teacher, knowing that a 3rd grade instructor is not successfully doing their job. More and more districts are now requiring you be compliant with NCLB as well before you even get a job there.

As far as schools perpetuating ignorance...lol, wow. We work with what we get. Its utterly amazing how many people who put their students into a public education system actually wash their hands of their childs education, leaving it solely up to the teachers in the classroom; and that when something goes wrong, it is Always the teachers fault.

Cactoblasta has a good question in that....as far as I know, there aren't that many requirements for parents to be homeschoolers. Along with that, I know of no evaluation that evaluates the parents; outside of the very tests that are administered which judge the regular professional educators success.

The students are required to take some mandatory state tests that the regular mainstream students take as well. They might be required to go to the school itself in order to take it.

"The difference between success and failure in ANY academic setting is parental involvement"
Im on the side with homeschooling. I, as a teacher, favor schools (obviously), but this is a very good statement. Parental involvment determines success OR failure at ANY academic setting, school, homeschool...otherwise.

I think one of the reasons homeschooling works is because the parents are personally responsible for the development of their child; meaning, since they are now doing the teaching, they are held at a higher level than before because their own childs success or failure is a direct reflection on themselves. The parents are MUCH more involved in a homeschool setting and that is why I think that for some students, homechooling is a good option.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ziggy, I have had kids in public schools in 5 states, plus remember public school myself quite well.

I can respect your experience and I'm willing to read anything you have to say on the subject, but don't sit there and tell me that my experiences never happened. I have had teachers in all of those states rave on about other teachers when they themselves knew the teachers were incompetent.

I have met with teachers who resented anything us lowly "parents" had to say... I have been told point blank that since I don't have a degree, I am not qualified to decide what is best for my kids' education.

My son absolutely loves math, his Freshman year he had a math teacher who was supposed to be among the best in the high school. She explained things, and required the kids to show their work in such a convoluted way that by the end of the semester, my son (and most his class) hated even the thought of looking at another math problem. When we brought the problem up to the administration, they treated us like idiots for even thinking that of such a fine teacher.


I have friends who are college math professors who can tell you what local area schools the kids come from, simply by looking at how prepared they are for college level math. When they have gone to the math departments to see what could be done about it, they were regaled with the wonderful awards their math departments receive time and time again... Apparenly awards are more important than preparing students for college level math.

Sorry, Ziggy, but my experience is that the only way a tenured teacher can be fired is for molesting a child.

In my own student years, we had a "teacher" who constantly won awards for his "ability" to teach. This total waste of a taxpayer money walked out of a bookroom he made into an office... gave us all a hand out to work on that period then promptly went back into the "office".

If we had any questions, we had to knock on the door and talk to him through his rolled eyes and "are you done yet" sighs.

On the other hand, we had a non tenured teacher who was such a great teacher I STILL can pass a basic economics test, based on his class alone.

Guess who was fired when cuts came?

You guessed it... the waste of taxpayer money.

I said it before and I'll say it again. There is no profession more worthy of our admiration and respect than a good teacher.... I just wish more in the profession were worthy of that admiration and respect.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sorry for going off, Gideon, I realize that your intent with this article wasn't to trash the Puplic Schools in our nation.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
I have seen several home school educators look down on and belittle public school teachers...it's funny that you have experienced it the other way around.

It stinks that hostility even exists on both sides. I do agree that we both have one common goal, and that is to educate children. However, many things about public and homeschooling are like apples and oranges.

Homeschooling: One on one schooling, flexible schedules, family support.

Public schooling: Uneven teacher to student ratios, time limits, sometimes no support at all.

We both deal with different scenarios...and although the home school scenario is so ideal, it's not realistic for most students. Us public school teachers just do the best we can with what we have

I can tell you that lately, I have been pushed to my limits...doing tutoring everyday and on weekends with no pay, dealing with standardized testing, with needing to keep up with the higher standards expected of us, dealing with paperwork, professional training, etc. It's stressful...but I want to see my students succeed, so I am not giving up anytime soon.

(sorry for straying off the topic a bit)
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top

Cactoblasta has a good question in that....as far as I know, there aren't that many requirements for parents to be homeschoolers.

It varies GREATLY from state to state, ziggy. Maybe you could try a little research on the subject first.

And rest assured, incompetent parents stick out like a sore thumb unless they live in FAR remote areas of the United States. The fact is, if a parent is actively involved with homeschool organizations, they're probably NOT incompetent, as they're taking the time to network with other homeschoolers to find out what works with them.

Until YOUR profession achieves a 100% success rate with students, ziggy, I refuse to accept your demands that homeschoolers achieve that success rate. Yes, there are certainly families who aren't as successful with homeschooling as others, but I can state pretty authoritatively that those families are in the minority; in my subjective judgement, it seems to be a VERY small minority (please remember, in my work, I have dealt with FAR more homeschooling families than you are ever likely to encounter; I have literally known HUNDREDS personally, and I have met THOUSANDS....no exaggeration there).

Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top


Reply By: InBloomPosted: Sunday, April 30, 2006
I have seen several home school educators look down on and belittle public school teachers...it's funny that you have experienced it the other way around.

While I am a strong homeschool advocate, inbloom, I realize it doesn't work for every family, and, in fact, I discourage the trend to homeschool because of a gut reaction (Columbine, etc) because of: 1)the way it reflects negatively on those of us who are strongly dedicated to this philosophy of education; 2) the fact that homeschooling requires dedicated parents, and those homeschooling because of a gut reaction tend not to be as dedicated.

All I ask for is EQUAL respect as a teacher, InBloom, NOT greater respect.

excellent comments.

Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
HAHAHAHA

I still can't believe someone started quizzing your kids!

That just cracks me up. Doesn't seem like it matters where you're from...that is just plain rude.
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
I agree, Homeschooling is a little alien to me but that is rude.
That is just wrong, sorry Gid.

You should have some questions precanned next time to fire back at those Muther Plunkers 'Who was the 7th President' ect... and put them in the same seat.