Drivers Manual for Puerto Rico
How to drive like a Puerto Rican
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Has to be done -> (Disclaimer : Please keep in mind that I am Puerto Rican so this is just ment to be funny and not necesarily offensive, although its mostly true, lol.)
Drivers Manual for Puerto Rico
1) Turning vehicle on: Pray to God and hope he protects you of all the dangers you will face on the streets and avenues.
2) The Puertorican salute: To salute a Puertorican driver, lower you window very slowly and with a strong angry tone yell “Your mother”, you may include nouns to the end of this sentence such as “you fat bastard”, “you son of a bitch”, “you old hag”, “asshole”, “whore”, etc (please chose the appropriate words for the appropriate situation). In any case, always be prepared to respond with a “F_ck you” in case the other driver salutes you first.
3) Turning signals: If another driver, on another lanes, turns on his signal lights, do not let him change lanes. As A matter of fact, accelerate and stay next to him/her. It is most likely that the other driver will try to salute you, but you already know what to do in this case (see item #2).
4) Traffic signals: These interesting artifacts are found on intersections for no apparent reason, but if they are there, it’s for a reason. It is likely to find drivers stopped looking how the lights change color (a fascinating experience). Traffic officials believe each color has a significance that drivers should respect. After an effective observation this is what was concluded what each color signifies:
A) Yellow light: Accelerate as much as possible.
Red light: up to 5 or 6 cars may pass after this light turns on.
C) Green light: slow down and wait for those 5 or 6 cars to pass the red light.
Note: It is vital to honk your horn 1.5 seconds after the light turns green.
5) Lane change: Before anything, no matter what, never turn on you turning signal. Otherwise, you stimulate the reaction of the other driver (see item #3). Watch for any vehicles on the lane you wish to change to, and when he is not paying attention, jump right in. You will be amazed when you realize that no more than a few inches are needed between 2 cars.
6) Bottle neck (better known as traffic): Many fun activities are done during traffic, such as:
A) Honking the horn.
The art of applying make-up.
C) Weight loss, while sweating; do to the lack of air conditioning.
D) Salutes to other drivers.
E) Perfecting your lanes changes.
F) A cell phone call to say you’re late due to traffic.
G) A game of how close you can get to the other cars bumper without touching it.
7) Pedestrians: These individuals are a pain to Puerto Ricans. In the case of coming across one of these characters, accelerate and show them whose boss. At an intersection, allow the pedestrian to cross, as soon as they are in the cross-hairs, accelerate and throw you car at them. In case you miss, since they are very agile people, don’t worry; chances are you scared the hell out of them anyways.
8) Highways: Bottleneck formation - in order to execute this formation all vehicles must block all lanes driving at the same speed and moving side to side (that way no one will try to pass you). It’s important to drive, at least, 20 miles below the speed limit.
Note: This activity creates special results during a rain day.
9) The triple lane change (prerequisite – dominate Lane change activity): The move requires a lot of precision and creativity. It should be done with as many cars around as possible and within a few seconds to create what is called “general panic”.
10) Tolls: We all know what it’s like to be in a rush and not have chance for the “exact change only” lanes. With that in mind we have developed a technique for your convenience:
a) get on the “exact change only” lane with a $1 bill.
When you get to the basket, act surprised: “dam, wrong lane”.
c) When the toll employee comes and refuses to take your dollar, point to the infinite line of cars behind you and say “can you ask them to move so that I can get out of this lane?”
11) Ignore the millions of salutes you will get… and smile!!
Drivers Manual for Puerto Rico
1) Turning vehicle on: Pray to God and hope he protects you of all the dangers you will face on the streets and avenues.
2) The Puertorican salute: To salute a Puertorican driver, lower you window very slowly and with a strong angry tone yell “Your mother”, you may include nouns to the end of this sentence such as “you fat bastard”, “you son of a bitch”, “you old hag”, “asshole”, “whore”, etc (please chose the appropriate words for the appropriate situation). In any case, always be prepared to respond with a “F_ck you” in case the other driver salutes you first.
3) Turning signals: If another driver, on another lanes, turns on his signal lights, do not let him change lanes. As A matter of fact, accelerate and stay next to him/her. It is most likely that the other driver will try to salute you, but you already know what to do in this case (see item #2).
4) Traffic signals: These interesting artifacts are found on intersections for no apparent reason, but if they are there, it’s for a reason. It is likely to find drivers stopped looking how the lights change color (a fascinating experience). Traffic officials believe each color has a significance that drivers should respect. After an effective observation this is what was concluded what each color signifies:
A) Yellow light: Accelerate as much as possible.
Red light: up to 5 or 6 cars may pass after this light turns on.C) Green light: slow down and wait for those 5 or 6 cars to pass the red light.
Note: It is vital to honk your horn 1.5 seconds after the light turns green.
5) Lane change: Before anything, no matter what, never turn on you turning signal. Otherwise, you stimulate the reaction of the other driver (see item #3). Watch for any vehicles on the lane you wish to change to, and when he is not paying attention, jump right in. You will be amazed when you realize that no more than a few inches are needed between 2 cars.
6) Bottle neck (better known as traffic): Many fun activities are done during traffic, such as:
A) Honking the horn.
The art of applying make-up.C) Weight loss, while sweating; do to the lack of air conditioning.
D) Salutes to other drivers.
E) Perfecting your lanes changes.
F) A cell phone call to say you’re late due to traffic.
G) A game of how close you can get to the other cars bumper without touching it.
7) Pedestrians: These individuals are a pain to Puerto Ricans. In the case of coming across one of these characters, accelerate and show them whose boss. At an intersection, allow the pedestrian to cross, as soon as they are in the cross-hairs, accelerate and throw you car at them. In case you miss, since they are very agile people, don’t worry; chances are you scared the hell out of them anyways.
8) Highways: Bottleneck formation - in order to execute this formation all vehicles must block all lanes driving at the same speed and moving side to side (that way no one will try to pass you). It’s important to drive, at least, 20 miles below the speed limit.
Note: This activity creates special results during a rain day.
9) The triple lane change (prerequisite – dominate Lane change activity): The move requires a lot of precision and creativity. It should be done with as many cars around as possible and within a few seconds to create what is called “general panic”.
10) Tolls: We all know what it’s like to be in a rush and not have chance for the “exact change only” lanes. With that in mind we have developed a technique for your convenience:
a) get on the “exact change only” lane with a $1 bill.
When you get to the basket, act surprised: “dam, wrong lane”.c) When the toll employee comes and refuses to take your dollar, point to the infinite line of cars behind you and say “can you ask them to move so that I can get out of this lane?”
11) Ignore the millions of salutes you will get… and smile!!
.
