my husbands' dog
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my husband has a dog. my husbands’ dog should not exist. i am so certain of this fact that i am prone to pondering the dogs’ possible use as a defense against the evolutionary argument (should i ever wish to mount one)
.my husbands’ dog is officially of “indeterminate breed”. (that part is not his fault. the dog, that is. not my husband. well, actually, not my husband either, hehe). but i digress. point being, my husbands’ dog seems to be the result of several decades of indiscriminate dog-sex.
of the reproductive habits of all creatures on earth, none astound me with their disastrous and obvious results the way dogs do, yet, it seems to be sadly due to domestication that such glaring biological errors occur.
my husbands’ dog has shorter front legs than back. he is approximately 2.5 times longer than he is tall. this makes him disproportionately heavy and muscular for such a short animal, and as a consequence he suffers osteoarthritis and bone fractures.
my husbands’ dog is allergic to bloody everything. he suffers mood swings, separation anxiety, copious hair loss, and ear infections. he is partly blind, hides behind stuff for hours for no reason, barks at everyone (even my husband), and suffers from “object aggression”. he is also, bizarrely, (although capable of crushing kangaroo leg-bones with one snap of his huge jaw), rather partial to fruits and vegetables of any kind.
my husbands’ dog has, over the course of his (so far) short life, cost us approximately the price of a small new car. (we now share his medical maladies only with those who understand that someone can own a (very battered) volkswagen AND a dog who is in possession of a “consulting orthopedic surgeon” AND be happy about it).
but i am. here i sit. with my husbands’ undeniably troublesome yet so much loved dog snoring rather loudly (and most unattractively) on his (smelly but favourite) pillow under my desk.
and i tell him “i’d get the bus if i had to, boy”
. i didn't mention that it was i who found the dog after he was dumped as a 3 month old pup, and he was in a very neglected state with obvious bone and health problems. we knew what we were getting ourselves in for, and i suspect he was dumped for that very reason. but he is unfailingly loyal, very cute (albeit somewhat weird) looking, and endlessly amusing.
