Look into my eyes

-or- don't be afraid

from JoeUser Forums
I made an interesting observation yesterday while on my daily noon walk.

I head for a 3 mile loop around Duke's campus during my lunch break, and this, of course, gives me the opportunity to pass lots and lots of other students and people who work on the campus. Now, I assure you, I am not a maniac. But when it is a nice day and I am out for a walk I feel good. The sun is up, I am listening to great music, getting some exercise, and just generally having a good time.

So I smile. Not some big, freaky, split-your-face grin. But a bit of a smile nonetheless. And I look at people, and smile at them.

But no one wants to look back. It amazed me. I would pass countless people and briefly look them in the eye and give them a smile, only to notice that 90% of the people immediately averted their eyes when I attempted to make eye contact. It shocked me, frankly.

I know that eye contact isn't always the easiest thing in the world to maintain, but perhaps because of many of my life experiences I have just become accustomed to looking people in the eyes. Not staring at them, but I regularly make eye contact with people. It just seems the natural way to look at someone.

So I started thinking, what about eye contact makes it so frightening?

"The eyes are the window to the soul," so says the old adage. Perhaps that is the frightening thing. Are we just afraid to open ourselves up to others? Or are we afraid of others opening up to us?

Honestly, I'm not sure. What do others think? Why is eye contact so intimidating?



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Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
I've noticed the same thing when I'm walking the boys to school. Very few moms (or dads) will look at me and smile. They all walk around looking dead.

I like to look someone in the eye and give them a quick smile. I appreciate that kind of thing from other people, so I make a point of doing it. It's not always reciprocated, though.

I don't know why that is.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
I like to look someone in the eye and give them a quick smile. I appreciate that kind of thing from other people, so I make a point of doing it. It's not always reciprocated, though.


Well, if we ever meet, at least we know we will be able to look each other in the eye and smile.

Seriously though, I find it disheartening. I think that we must be so self-conscious as a culture that the prospect of giving up that little bit of ourselves by making eye contact terrifies us, at least on some subconscious level.
Star Control: Origins
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
bluedev, we moved 3 years ago from sydney into a small coastal village 7 hrs drive away, and it took me months to get used to how many people smiled and even said hello when i'd never seen them before !.

i love it now, but i find when i visit my folks in sydney i sometimes 'forget' and smile at people on the street and it always startles them !.

we're a funny bunch, us humans

mig xxx
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
BlueDev,
I moved to this small county back in 88, from the twin cities. I STILL can't believe how friendly and happy the folks up here are!
People not only make eye contact and smile, they'll stop you to chat abit and see what part of town you live in and do you know so
and so!

The few times I went back to the cities on business, I forget myself and how it's different 'there". In the twin cities, especially Mpls.,
people have actually given me dirty looks when I make eye contact and smile! Go figure..

I'm glad I'm in small town USA!
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
I can't say I've noticed eye looking one way or another, but I tend to smile and say hi (or some such) when passing people on the sidewalk. And more often then not they do the same. Just seems like the neighborly community sort of thing to do.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
it's pretty friendly up here, too. there's a trail that leads to our downtown, and I've never made it once with out exchanging pleasantries with at least one person. It's more normal to meet and greet, than to just say nothing.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
I usually smile and say hi to people. Especially other foreigners in Tokyo. It's weird, but a lot of them avoid eye contact. Like what, are they trying to be inconspicuous in Tokyo? Sheesh. Isn't it better to recognize someone then continue to be isolated?

But a lot of weirdos talk to me and hubby says it is because I look people in the eye. Maybe so. I guess I've still got those small town Saskatchewan manners I learned from my mom and dad. But I wish those people who no longer feel the need to take their prescribed lithium wouldn't feel the need to meet me.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
It's 'cause we're surrounded by yankees in this town

(i keed!)
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
I always say g'day to people when I'm out and about. Older people, and by this I mean our senior citizens, are usually the ones most likely to respond. Younger people, however, usually look at me like I'm crazy. It really doesn't bother me, though. I'd rather be thought of as crazy but friendly than sane and unsociable.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Seriously though, I find it disheartening.


I do, too. I mean, I don't like mornings, either, but I just can't understand being so unhappy or bored or afraid of making a connection that I couldn't return a smile. I tend to think that happiness and friendliness is contagious, so I try to be extra sweet to grumpy people. Doesn't always work.

Funny, though, back in Texas EVERYONE says hello. If you pass someone on the highway, they wave at you, even if they don't know you.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
I like to maintain eye contact. To me it is a sign of strength of yourself.

As you mentioned a window to the soul. Looking into someone's eyes is a window into their soul... I totally agree with you.

But... I'd rather have someone look at my eyes than my chest!

Take care!

XXOO,
JTL