Dealing with religion when it comes to your Children

from JoeUser Forums
My boyfriend asked me the other day how I would like to raise our kids (that is, when we have some) religion-wise.I told him that since I’m Catholic, it’s natural that I’d want to introduce them to Catholicism. I’m going to be honest here and say that I would love for them to form a love of God. But I’d also want them to be able to have their own opinions, and not be ashamed to question things (for I question things about my own religion myself). I really wouldn’t want to force them towards a religious path if it wasn’t in their hearts to do so. I think what would be more important to me is that they grow up being respectful of others beliefs, including their mommy’s if they didn’t agree with me.

As for my b/f, he does not believe in organized religion, although he does believe in a higher power and was raised by a Catholic family.

I wonder how others deal with, or plan to deal with this.
religion
3,221 views 19 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Have you considered a nondenominational church? Our neighbors found happy ground there. She is catholic and he is, I believe, methodist. They started out in Catholic church because "that is what catholics do". He became very unhappy when his kids started telling other kids they were going to hell for this that or the other thing.

If you want your kids to be able to question things, and I mean no disrespect by this, catholic churches (in general) aren't the best place. Perhaps the catholic congregation that you participate is more open to question than the ones I have had experience with. Only you can say what is best for your family though. I think it is wise and wonderful that you and your b/f are discussing such things ahead of time. It shows how seriously you take your future and the future of your family. Too many people don't think ahead these days.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
raising kids and education is a hit and miss thing, what jill said makes most sense.
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top

Perhaps the catholic congregation that you participate is more open to question than the ones I have had experience with.

Actually, the weird thing about the Catholic Church is that most of the northern churches are very conservative, while the southern ones are much more liberal (just Theologically).  Now I dont know about Texas as it is southern, yet with a very heavy latin influence (and I am lead to understand they may be as conservative as the nothern ones).

Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
I guess we havent' really discussed this, but in my mind, our kids won't have a choice as to whether or not they go to church. They will be going with us until they graduate from high school. I hope they'll want to be involved in age-appropriate church activities like Sunday school, youth group, missions trips, lock-ins etc. I know *I* had a blast with them when I was younger, and made some very good friends.

I want our kids to ask questions, but I'd still like for them to share in our religious beliefs. I understand that I can't force them, but they WILL be respectful even if they choose not to go down our path.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
~~ Have you considered a nondenominational church?~~

Actually, I have seriously considered that. There are many things that I do love about Catholicism, believe it or not, and I don't see myself converting to another religion. However, I do also know that a non-denominational church will provide a more accepting environment, and one that will hopefully not be so judgemental.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Anything but catholic or muslim
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
I want our kids to ask questions, but I'd still like for them to share in our religious beliefs. I understand that I can't force them, but they WILL be respectful even if they choose not to go down our path.


Why force them to go to church even as kids though?
If you actually do have to force the kids to go each week, what will they get out of church?
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
The most important thing you and your husband can teach your kids is what YOU believe where it comes to religion/God/spirituality.. etc. Believe me, no matter what "religion" you raise them in (including none at all), they will someday have to make their own choices.

If you don't teach them your beliefs, the only lesson they learn is that your beliefs aren't important enough to you to teach to them.

I think a lot of people are nervous to teach their kids their own beliefs because they want their kids to learn to think for themselves. But we teach our kids out to think for themselves by example. If we want them to learn the value of education, we support their schooling; if we want them to learn the value of a job well done, we teach work with them to finish what they start.

The same goes for spiritual guidance. If we want them to understand how important our beliefs are to us, we live them and teach them.

Since you both have different beliefs, teach both, but more importantly, show your kids that you love and respect each ohter (even with the differences). What better way to teach them to respect other's beliefs than being an example to them?

Good luck!
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top

Well said Ted!

(How ya been btw?)
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Why force them to go to church even as kids though?
If you actually do have to force the kids to go each week, what will they get out of church?


Because it's going to be what OUR family does. My two year old doesn't want to go to church so I'm going to call a sitter for him? I don't think so.

Don't think we're just going to make them sit there and not be involved in the service. There's going to be teaching, leading, and modeling in our faith, not just something you sit through for an hour every Sunday just for show. Our faith is going to be lived.

Even if our children choose not to accept our faith as their own, they need to learn to be respectful of people that are different than themselves.

And basically, what Ted said.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
My two year old doesn't want to go to church so I'm going to call a sitter for him? I don't think so.


I'm talking more when the kids are 10 - 18 years old and are able to think for themself. What if they say they can not go because they simply are not in to it? Do you still force them to go?
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
MM~~raising kids and education is a hit and miss thing,~~

I'm sure I will realize that more and more as I gain parental experience

Dr.G~~Now I dont know about Texas as it is southern, yet with a very heavy latin influence (and I am lead to understand they may be as conservative as the nothern ones).~~

With all the heavy Mexican influence, there is indeed strict catholicism as far as traditions and rituals go. From what I hear from my mother, it was far more strict before, though.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top

With all the heavy Mexican influence, there is indeed strict catholicism as far as traditions and rituals go. From what I hear from my mother, it was far more strict before, though.

Come to Virginia and see what Bishop Sullivan has done!

Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Marcie~~but they WILL be respectful even if they choose not to go down our path.~~

We're in the same boat there... They may have the freedom to question and disagree, but that doesn't mean they have to criticize and demean other's beliefs.

TedI~~ think a lot of people are nervous to teach their kids their own beliefs because they want their kids to learn to think for themselves. But we teach our kids out to think for themselves by example. If we want them to learn the value of education, we support their schooling; if we want them to learn the value of a job well done, we teach work with them to finish what they start. The same goes for spiritual guidance. If we want them to understand how important our beliefs are to us, we live them and teach them.~~

Since I do believe in God, I do intend to share that with them, and show them how important it is to me. I do intend to show them what the Catholic religion entails as well. I guess this thinking goes beyond religion, like you mentioned. I am sure I will do the same for pretty mich any beliefs I have.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
SushiK:
Well said Ted!

(How ya been btw?)


Thanks, I'm doing pretty well (mostly)... thanks for asking. ;~D

InBloom:

Since I do believe in God, I do intend to share that with them, and show them how important it is to me. I do intend to show them what the Catholic religion entails as well. I guess this thinking goes beyond religion, like you mentioned. I am sure I will do the same for pretty mich any beliefs I have.


I do wish you and your husband all the best. Out of all the things that get between a loving couple of differing spiritual beliefs, how to raise the kids seems to get between them the most.

It seems that each are willing to respect each other's beliefs, but when it comes time to share those beliefs (and practices), that's when the differences really come out.

What most couples don't realize is, it was part of their vows from the beginning, even if it wasn't spelled out in words...

Then there are the grandparents, but that is a whole different article in itself. ;~D
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ted~~Out of all the things that get between a loving couple of differing spiritual beliefs, how to raise the kids seems to get between them the most.~~


I really do hope that we are sensible enough to be able to come to an agreement, or at least a compromise, when it comes to this.
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
My wife and I teach our kids what WE believe. Additionally, we discuss with them other religions, some more indepth than others (due, primarily to our own lack of information on them). They have attended Catholic services, various denomications of Protestant services (They couldn't tell much differance between the Episcopalion and the Catholic service, though )

We believe that they should have a firm understanding of the different religions that are around. Then, and only then, can they make the decision for themselves. And so far, 2 of them have made decisions as to which religious tradition they prefer. And I support them in that 100%. Even if I don't necessarily agree with them.

Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
When they are 10-18, I suggest encouraging them to go to different types of services with friends. I got a lot of freedom of exploration that way. I went to catholic services a lot with my best friend (I am not catholic) and other services with other friends. I went to Sunday school with cousins at Baptist and Methodist churches. I never got the opportunity to make any Jewish friends growing up since I lived in a very small farm community so I am lacking in exposure there. But my dad did a lot of reading and encouraged me to read about Buddhism, Taoism, etc. That way I felt like it was all available to me for my own chosing not just having been born or forced into a religion.

With some kids, the more it is forced, the more they will pull away. I know many people who have ministers for fathers and they later became atheist. Like ParaTed said and you said yourself, showing them your faith and teaching them to be respectful is the best you can do. Being a parent, after all, is the toughest job you'll ever love.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
ChM~~Additionally, we discuss with them other religions, some more indepth than others (due, primarily to our own lack of information on them). They have attended Catholic services, various denomications of Protestant services~~

I think that is wonderful...I think the more they know about other beliefs, the more open minded they will be about the world.

Jill~~But my dad did a lot of reading and encouraged me to read about Buddhism, Taoism, etc. That way I felt like it was all available to me for my own chosing not just having been born or forced into a religion.~~

It was good of your father to have opened up your mind to new things. That is something I would like to do when I have children.